Brother Ducky

Donating breastmilk

Haven't updated this site for quite a while now. But I just wanted to share this. I'm donating 100oz of breastmilk. 100!! ONE HUNDRED!! How in the world did I make a hundred ounces of breastmilk? After all my worries of diminishing milk supply, here I am donating a hundred ounces of breastmilk! Wheeeeeeee!

Baby is a Lady

When I call Chloe 'baby,' she ALWAYS answers, "But I'm not a baby anymore mama. I'm a big girl na!"

:(

But then, Chloe baby, I asked you to make ten wishes for Ninang Liza's birthday (looooong story), and your answers made me wish you'll stay our baby forever.

1. I wish for papa to play with me.
2. I wish for papa to swim with me.
3. I wish for papa to go out with me.
4. I wish to eat fruit jelly.
5. I wish shobe Margaux will grow up.
6. I wish shobe Margaux will play with me.
7. I wish to go to Disneyland.
8. I wish for mama to reach the sky.
9. I wish shobe will sleep everyday so she can grow up.

I only got 9 wishes. I can't remember the 10th.

See baby? Hearing your wishes brought tears to my eyes. Such innocent desires. :) I know, it won't be long before you start wishing for serious, more adult things. So please, grant mommy's wish... I wish you won't grow up so fast. :(

*image from gettyimages.com

"The Mother's Prayer for its Daughter"

Got this from Daphne Osena's blog:


"The Mother's Prayer for its Daughter" by Tina Fey

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered,

May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half

And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her

When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the nearby subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock N’ Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance.

Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes

And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.

Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long,

For Childhood is short -- a Tiger Flower blooming

Magenta for one day --

And Adulthood is long and Dry-Humping in Cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever,

That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers

And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister,

Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends,

For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord,

That I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 a.m., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck.

“My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental note to call me. And she will forget.

But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

So true. Funny and poignant at the same time.

Our Two Angels

It's a rare moment to have my two girls napping at the same time...





You see Chloe's pic above? Look at the penguin. It's her baby. It's swaddled. She got that from watching me swaddle her baby sister all the time. Even the way she swaddles it is similar to how I do it! No, I didn't sit her down and teach her. She learned it just by watching me.



Another thing she learned by watching me. In this pic, she's breastfeeding her baby. :) She forgot to lift up her shirt, but that's okay. :)

Cukay

Wenya brought home red velvet cake from Cukay, one of the stalls in Eastwood's indoor food market.



The thing with me is, the more I love the food, the longer it will stay in the ref. So I can savor it longer. :) This small slice of yummy red velvet cake is almost guaranteed to stay in our ref for another week or so. I loved the cream cheese frosting.

Too bad they didn't include their website on their label.

Cristine

When I was in college, people who didn't know me well would often call me Christine. In the course I was enrolled in, there was a girl named Christine who had the same surname as me. You can imagine how fun (dripping with sarcasm now) it was for me to have my test papers and other college documents constantly mixed up with hers.

Even in the business world, foreign suppliers would often call me Christine.

And I wonder why.

Hellloooooo??? The only thing these two names have in common are the beginning letter and the last three letters. I personally do not think the two names sound alike. What about the Melissas of the world? Are they remembered as Melanie/Melinda?

Then the other day, I got this in the email:






Naku ha. Twice na nga naka sign ung name ko eh. Hindi pa rin malinaw?

:D

Success!

I can't bilibit! Even when I was diligently pumping milk for Chloe, I could never pump this much from both boobs!

Having Margaux leave the hospital with us really helped. With Chloe, we had to leave her there for 10 days because of an infection. Since I was a breastfeeding novice then, I only pumped twice a day, causing my milk supply to drastically decrease.

It also helped to have my Gmail chat buddy / breastfeeding cheerleader Jenny patiently answer all my questions on breastfeeding. If not for her, I would've given up by now. It really helped to have someone tell me what is and isn't normal. Even with all my determination to breastfeed, I had serious doubts about my milk supply especially during the first few nights. Each time I put Margaux down to sleep, she'd wake up ten minutes after, wanting to feed! It's comfort nursing, Jenny said. Or, as I'd like to put it, Margaux just wants me to be her human pacifier. Hahaahah. My solution? Co sleeping. She gets to feed, I get to rest. And I wake up with lots of milk, resulting in the pic shown above.

Plus now, whenever I am overcome with happiness over my two daughters, I leak milk! Just this morning, I glanced at Margaux and watched her while she slept. Seconds later, there was that familiar tingling sensation and drip, drip, drip came the milk! One time, Chloe said something particularly touching, and a few seconds later, I had two big wet circles on my chest area. Hahahahah! I'm an unstoppable milk dispenser. :D

Breastfeeding issues

Before I gave birth to baby M, now known as Margaux Francine, one of the things that I was determined to do was to purely breastfeed her.

Which is why I was pleasantly surprised to know about Cardinal Santos's strict policy on breastfeeding. When I gave birth to Chloe years ago, they already had breastfeeding posters and flyers posted in the labor room and nursery. But, if the mom is unavailable or prefers not to breastfeed, they automatically gave the babies formula or glucose water. Now, their policy is, unless there is a medical reason not to, moms are highly encouraged to breastfeed their babies as soon as possible. Two hours after I gave birth, I was gently woken up by the nurse who brought Margaux to me for latching. Five hours after I gave birth, still groggy from exhaustion and medications, I was wheeled into their breastfeeding room to feed Margaux. I didn't mind though. It was one of those things that I had mentally prepared myself for.

Unfortunately, not all moms are as prepared as I was. It was on my third feeding session that I met E, a second time mom but a first time breastfeeder. Everytime her newborn baby would latch, E would break out into a sweat from the pain. She would wince and cry out a bit. She couldn't understand why breastfeeding was painful, she told me. Nurses told her her baby was latching well. Maybe it's because she doesn't have milk, she reasoned out. The junior nurses could only look on as she muffled her shrieks with EACH breastfeeding session. And everytime I'd go into the breastfeeding room, she'd be there sitting on the same chair, confiding that she has been there almost the whole day.

She asked the head nurse for a break from breastfeeding, so that her sore nipples can rest. The nurses wouldn't let her, she said. On the day she was discharged, I couldn't help but overhear her conversation with her pedia. The pedia gave her the go signal to rest from breastfeeding and to give her baby glucose water. Once her pedia left, the head nurse came out and discussed with her the benefits of breastfeeding and how to go about it.

Head nurse (HN) goes on and on about the advantages, which, I'm sure, E already knows. E nods her head and keeps silent the whole time. When the nurse was finished with her lecture, E finally spoke up and asked for glucose water (she was wary about making her own glucose water so she wanted to get some from the nursery instead).

HN's face immediately changes. From her ultra positive stance on breastfeeding just seconds ago, her eyebrows were now furrowed, almost like she was quietly tsk-tsking E for her glucose water request.

This isn't verbatim, but their conversation more or less sounded like this:

HN: Ma'm, ang breastfeeding talaga is the best for baby. Wala po talagang makakalamang sa gatas ng ina.

E: Oo, magbe breastfeed naman ako eh. Pero papahinga lang ako sandali kasi masakit na talaga.

HN: Pero kasi talagang walang makakatalo sa gatas ng ina, ma'm.
And then she goes on to repeat the lecture she gave a few minutes ago.

E: Pero kukuha lang ako ng glucose water, konti lang, break lang sandali, then mag feed ako ulit.

Listening in on their conversation, it seemed to me that no one was really listening to each other. Both just wanted to say what they wanted to say, without really hearing what the other person is saying. The nurse wasn't addressing the mom's pain issues, and the mom wasn't listening na din to what the nurse was saying. It made me wonder too, if the head nurse really breastfed her baby, or she's just lecturing what the DOH has required them to say.

I'm not sure how their conversation ended. But minutes later, when E left the room, the head nurse described E as "makulit kasi nag-iinsist ng glucose water eh breastfeeding talaga dapat."

It is situations like these that would really discourage first time moms (and bfeeders) to give up altogether. I believe all moms have the best intentions for their little ones when they're just starting to breastfeed. I believe most moms read up / research on breastfeeding to prepare themselves for things like sore nipples, frequent feedings, mastitis, milk output, etc. But to me, no amount of reading can prepare you for them. One wouldn't understand sore nipples unless she has felt the toe curling pain of baby latching on for the first few days. One wouldn't understand frequent feedings unless she has been woken up by loud, hungry cries every five to ten minutes. One wouldn't understand concerns on milk output unless she has pumped out milk that amounted only to less than an ounce. One wouldn't understand rock hard breasts unless she has felt the rock hard, painful lumps herself.

And then one day, the pain from sore nipples becomes unbearable. Or maybe they get depressed with their pumped out milk volume. Or they are so overcome with exhaustion that they just think,what the heck, I was formula fed, and I turned out okay. And they just stop.

I applaud Cardinal Santos' strict policy on breastfeeding. But maybe, a little more empathy on the nurses' side will work wonders. It's hard enough going through the first few days of breastfeeding, given the hospital's strict breastfeeding policy. But it's even harder to know that the people who are supposed to be encouraging and teaching first time moms about breastfeeding are passing judgements just because you want a 'break' from bfeeding.

The Bad...and the Ugly

They said the second time around would be easier.

I was sooooo banking on that thought when D day came. What started out as a bloody show Saturday afternoon eventually progressed into a cramping marathon on Tuesday. By Tuesday afternoon, I knew it was time to go to the hospital.

So imagine my surprise when the doctors told me that it was all a false alarm, and that I am to go home and wait for my contractions to progress. So I sat up to get dressed, and the moment I did, I felt my waterbag break.

"Why is the water greenish?" Mike asked.

Hooooo nooooo, I thought. Is that meconium? Nooooooo.... I don't want meconium. That will mean delivery by CS!! NOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOO!!!

"Call the doctors!" They were all outside attending to the other patients.

Good thing that they said it wasn't meconium. It was just good 'ol plain amniotic fluid. Whew.....

Then the contractions started becoming more intense. Mike was there to hold my hand through it all, but eventually, he had to leave, leaving me all alone in the labor room, with only the interns and the resident OBs as my companions.

I was admitted to the labor room at around 7.30pm. By 9.30, I was at 4cm. By 10.30, I was at 5cm. And baby was dropping. So through the pain, it was the relatively easier and faster labor that kept me holding on to the thought that hey.... the second time around IS easier.

I lost track of the time after that, as the pains became more intense. I held several doctors' hands, held the bed rail, muffled my face with the pillow, covered my mouth.... I did everything to keep myself from losing control.

At 5 cm, I started asking for the epidural. That was how I remembered it with Chloe - the epidural was given to me at 5cm. But the resident doctors said they will wait for my OB's advise. Fine... let's wait.

By the time my OB arrived, I was at 8cm already. No hand holding, muffling or covering my face helped. Margaux was ready to come out, and she was ready NOW! I screamed as each contraction racked my body. At its peak, the contractions felt like several elephants stomping on my uterus all at the same time!!

"ASAN NA UNG ANESTHESIOLOGIST!!!!!!" I screamed.

"She's in the parking lot na..." my OB replied.

So I waited and waited and hoped she'd hurry up.

2 cms later, she was still a no show!

By this time, I was screaming like a pig. To hell with what everybody in the room thought. They aren't the ones in pain!!

Finally, the late (and not great) anesthesiologist arrived. It took her four attempts before the epidural was successfully administered. All this, while I was curled up like a shrimp.

Where was my hubby, you might ask?

He was waiting for the signal to go inside the DR. But he heard my screams from where he was, and requested that he be allowed inside. I felt his hand stroke my forehead, to signal his presence, for which I am grateful for.

Then the urge to push became too great to control. The epidural was useless!! It was the sedative (given when I was still lucid) that was taking over. I couldn't keep my eyes open, but I could feel each contraction. I could hear small parts of conversations taking place, but I couldn't open my eyes to see who were doing the talking. I could hear my hubby's voice, but I didn't know exactly where he was.

Then the doctors and nurses began the countdown.

Inhale...1...2....3..4...5...6..7..8..9..10...PUSH!!!

Exhale.......

Then they repeat the countdown.

I didn't feel any numbness. There was just pain. Great, unbearable, inexplicable PAIN.

I heard someone saying she'll put a gas mask on me, to help me cope with the pain. (Mike later said it was the anes... explaining away why the epidural wasn't taking effect.) Again, useless!!

After several death defying pushes, Margaux was finally out!! YAY!!

BUT, it wasn't over!

Since the epidural didn't take effect, I could feel each needle prick as the OB sewed me up.

After a few stitches, I blacked out.

*************************************************************************************

I don't know exactly what happened after that. Either I passed out from the pain, or the gas mask made me fall asleep.

When I was transferred to my room later that morning, the first thing Mike and I talked about was all the screaming I did. We couldn't help but compare it with our first delivery, where there was no scream fest whatsoever.

What went wrong?

Based on what we recalled, all we could agree on was that the anesthesiologist was late.

I remember being at 8 cm and still no signs of the anesthesiologist.

I know she arrived when I was in the DR. Mike wasn't called in until the epidural had been administered. And he said, all we did in the DR was wait for the epidural to take effect. My OB began pricking me to see if I could feel the pain. I could feel each prick no! Then Margaux came out then eventually she had to sew me up, and until that time, I could feel the needle pricks pa!

So many of my friends said not to pay the anes. One even said to sue her.

The anesthesiologist visited us twice while we were in the hospital. I was so surprised (and shocked) to see her the first time, I didn't know what to say. Do anesthesiologists usually visit their 'patients?' She kept explaining why the epidural didn't take effect agad. No apologies (which was what I wanted). All explanations. None of which made sense to me, nor seemed acceptable din. But as I said, I'm just really relieved and happy, so I didn't say anything na lang.

Mike, on the other hand, had a lot of things to say. And talk away he did on the anes' 2nd visit.

Must have caught the anes by surprise. She finally apologized to my husband (none pa din to me as of today). And gave us a discount on her rates. Big discount daw. But when we saw the statement, eto na ba yung big discount?

So my second labor experience, sad to say, was uber traumatic. I wonder, if we do decide to sue, do we have grounds? :( Plus we paid na din. :( Was it the wrong thing to do?

The Good......

Margaux Francine Uy Dy
March 23, 2011
12.16 am
6 lbs 8 oz
48 cm



Proud papa!




Birth day cake from Auntie Audrey. :)

I wish I had taken a picture of all the people who visited us. But, as Liza said, I only think of these ideas after the moment has gone. Harharhar. Let me enumerate na lang:

Mom and dad - my first visitors! Actually, more of Margaux's first visitors. They waited in the nursery then left. I was still in the recovery room kasi. Recovering from the uber traumatic experience, which will be discussed shortly in the next post.

Liza - my first official visitor. Mare, thank you for the food!!

Val, Anj, Alan, Joe - thank you for the Krispy Kreme and the grape juice! Buti na lang you didn't give it to room 206 mwehwehwehweh

Cathy, MIL, Charlie - thank you for the dimsum! Hmmm.... puro food. :)

Mom, dad, Rich, Auds, Ian, Mon, Wenya, Wio, Alford - again, so much food! It was actually a semi party for Margaux's birth. We had candle blowing pa.

Maki, Malou - again, thanks for the cake! :D

Sharon and Jon - Appreciated your visit so much since you guys were to leave for US the next day, but you chose to visit me even with unpacked suitcases. Hahahahah!

Explaining death....

Meet Apple and Orange. :) Apple, the red one, is a fighting fish, a gift our secretary gave to Chloe. Orange, the uhm.. orange one, is the fish Chloe caught during her school fair.


It took her sometime to catch Orange. And before she did, she asked her papa to buy a fishbowl, painted the bowl herself, and waited for it to dry. She wanted to make sure that her new fish will have a ready home waiting.

Unfortunately, Orange passed away this morning. :( And when I told Chloe about it, she cried. :( Cried like there was no tomorrow. :(

I was actually surprised with her reaction. Why? Well, I mentioned in a previous post that Chloe gives me freshly-picked-from-the-compound-garden flowers everyday. And she would see them turn brown and die. And I'd tell her that the flowers are dead and that we have to throw them na. And she'd be okay with it. So I thought, for a 3 year old, Chloe must have understood the concept of death pretty well.

So this morning, I blindly thought she'd just as easily accept Orange's passing away.

ME: Chloe, Orange is not here na. She went to heaven already.
Chloe: Why? Why did she go to heaven?
ME: Because it's time na for her to go.
Chloe: But I love her!!

I went up to our room while Chloe went down na to the garage. Of course, I picked the best time to announce this unfortunate event - this conversation happened minutes before she was to leave for school.

A few seconds later, from our third floor, I heard a loud bawl from the garage.

Chloe: WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
*At this point, Mike was giving me the evil eye.
ME: Chloe, don't cry na....
Chloe: Why (sob) is Orange (sob sob) going to heaven?
Chloe: What will she do there? WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
ME: O sige, let's just get a new Orange for you, okay?
Chloe: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I donwanuwan!!! I want Orange!!
ME: Okay, let's ask someone to fetch Orange from heaven, okay?
Mike: Chloe, papa will fetch Orange in heaven for you
ME: Uh, NO YOU WILL NOT MIKE!
Chloe: Who's that someone who will fetch Orange?
ME: Secret
Chloe: Why won't you tell me?!?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
ME: It's a surprise. One day, you'll see Orange is back na!!!

This calmed her down a bit. Well, calm enough for Mike to be able to back out of our garage with Chloe quietly sniffling beside him. But when she got to school, she cried again.

Haaaaaaaaay. I want to bonk myself on the head. Can someone please do it for me? How could I have thought that death would be a concept my baby could accept so easily? I'm 30+ years older than her and I still cannot understand it.

The week in pictures....

Chloe's growth chart

We actually received a beautiful growth chart during my baby shower, courtesy of Vivian and Momon. But, I don't know where to hang it. I've been wanting to redecorate Chloe's room for ages now, so that I can hang the growth chart. But siguro by the time we do get to that task, Chloe will be in her teens na harhar.

I don't mind really. There's something charmingly old fashioned with marking her height on the doorpost. Can you believe she can grow a few cms in just a few days? I double, triple and quadruple checked pa. She's growing so fast. It's a bittersweet thing. I'm happy she's growing, but I'm sad too. Can anyone relate?


Uber expensive cheesecake from Italianni's

As I mentioned in my previous post, I was super craving for baked cheesecake. So one day, while dizzy with hunger, I called 2121212 quickdelivery to order Italianni's cheesecake. Never mind that it cost Php 450. I figured, I'll savor the whole cake naman eh. Imagine my surprise and disappointment when my order arrived. Php 450 for a wedge of cheesecake?!?! Sabagay, I must have been so dizzy with hunger I forgot that Italianni's wasn't exactly what I'd consider 'reasonably priced.' So savor the cheesecake I did. I made sure it lasted for a week. Harharhar. That is equivalent to one 1.5" sliver a day.


Chloe's pupu chart

Please disregard the dates on the chart. I haven't been coherent for the past week, as implied in the previous paragraph. Anyways, we are just so happy having Chloe fill up her chart for six straight days na. She missed yesterday, but no biggie. See the box with the two stars on the second row? That's coz she pooped twice. One major, one minor. Hehehehe. She insisted on coloring the star as soon as she finished her toilet ritual. And now she wants to make a wiwi chart. Eh? We're running out of surprises na for her.

*************************************************************************************
Some more poop talk......

I just received some terribly sad news about a friend's son. The boy passed away due to diarrhea. My initial reaction was - how can anyone die of diarrhea? But another friend explained how serious diarrhea really is. So to moms out there, please, please take diarrhea seriously. If your babies don't show improvement after a day of severe diarrhea, contact your pedia na. Don't wait! I'm guilty of waiting din sometimes. Like when Chloe was really suffering from stomach pains in the middle of the night. I thought hard before calling her pedia, because it was near midnight and the pedia might not really appreciate the midnight call. But I thought, I'd rather be a makapal mom and call her, than wait till morning and watch Chloe suffer. I never regret calling her. I just give her something on our next pedia visit.

Stay healthy everyone!

Happy Over Crap

I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be so happy to see poop.

Two weeks ago, after a very, VERY traumatic E.R. experience, Chloe was diagnosed with chronic constipation. Now, I've never had a problem with pooping. Of course, there's the occasional one to two days of constipation, but nothing that a slice of papaya would not solve. Sorry, was that too much information for you? :D

But of course, things are different when you're dealing with a toddler, who, doctors said, has one week's worth of poop stuck in the lower left quadrant of her abdomen. ONE WEEK! The usual question I get is, "How could you not have noticed that she hasn't pooped for a week?!?!" And here is the answer. It's not that she didn't poop for a week. She poops everyday, pero konti lang. And sometimes, she'd poop when she's with her yaya, so I don't get to see how much she poops really.

So dealing with a toddler with one week's worth of poop stuck up inside her is no easy task. First, you have to deal with her nightly cries of pain. Chloe cried herself to sleep. Sometimes, I think she fell asleep out of exhaustion from the pain.

Second, since she had lots of poop inside her tummy, I assumed she felt full all the time. So she barely ate or drank. Eh the doctor ordered pa naman for her to drink lots of prune juice and eat lots of papaya -- all of which she refused. Even water, she refused! I even considered just using a syringe to force prune juice down her throat.

Third, not only did she refuse food and water, she also refused to drink her medicine. It took two people to give her her meds. One (yaya) to hold her down, the other one (me) to force it down her throat with a syringe. I felt so evil doing it, but I knew I had to.

The whole thing was traumatic not only for her but for me too. I felt so helpless seeing her lying down the whole day, refusing to eat or drink, refusing to even watch tv. She'd just lie down and sleep for the most part of the day. I wanted to do something, but I didn't know what to do. I bugged her pedia to no end. But the pedia said, all we could really do was wait. If, by a certain day Chloe showed no improvement, she'd refer us to a gastroenterologist. We did use suppositories and even had her undergo an enema in the hospital, but the relief they gave was temporary. By afternoon, she'd be on her tummy, in pain again.

So imagine my happiness when last Sunday, after several sessions of sitting down on the toilet with her, and coming up with different imaginative stories about a lost poop who finally sees the light and find its way out of her body, Chloe FINALLY pooped!!!

I was so happy I wanted to announce it on Facebook. :D

But I knew my FB circle wouldn't really appreciate the information. So I called the one person who I knew would share the happiness with me.

I called my husband.

And we were both really, really happy over poop!!

Then I made a pupu chart, where stars are drawn for every day that she poops.



If she can fill up a row with stars, she gets a major surprise! But we do give her little surprises for every day that she does. Plus, she gets to draw the stars herself (all in shades of pink).



It's been two weeks since the diagnosis. So far, so good. Her appetite has gone back to normal. And lately she poops more frequently na. :)

Vday

At around 4.30pm yesterday, I got the biggest surprise of my life:



Flowers from Mike!! From Mike!! Flowers!!


I put them in our tabo (while looking around the house for a vase). The next morning, I was saddened to see this:



The flowers have wilted. The petals were coming off:



Some bulbs came off completely:


Oh well. Tulips were never meant to live in tropical countries. And with the heat now, I knew I had only a few hours with them. Right now, I have the aircon on just so I can extend their lives a bit. :D I'm sentimental and crazy that way.

Thank you honey. It's been 9 years since we first met each other. And yes, it still feels like the dating stage. :)

33 weeks today

I can't bilibit.

We might be able to see baby M in three weeks!! According to 3dpregnancy.parentsconnect.com, this is how our baby M looks like now:

33 Weeks Pregnant

We opted not to get a 4D scan na lang. After all, we'll be able to see her in three to five weeks na!! Save the money na lang. I wonder though if she'll mind that her achi got lots of pics even while in my tummy, while the only pic I have of her is the one where she looked like a skull.

How am I feeling?
I'm feeling panicky - still so many things to do! Clothes to wash, dressers and shelves to build... We purposely delayed buying things because.. well, I didn't want to preempt our situation. Just in case something goes wrong, I didn't want to go home and see all the things we have already prepared for her.

I'm feeling scared - labor pains and all. Side kwento. During my first pregnancy, I asked a good friend to describe labor pains. She said, it's a combination of dysmenorrhea and diarrhea but 10x intensified. Ah sus... kayang kaya ko yan, I thought. Then D day came, and I tell you, it was NOTHING like 10x diarrhea and dysmenorrhea! It's more of feeling something inside you ripping your guts out. Like electric shocks emanating from inside your gut, NON STOP. Like your whole puson slowly tearing away from your whole body. Well, you get the point. :) But do not worry. I've talked to other moms and not all had these words to describe labor pains. :D

I seem to not have an appetite. I see food and it makes me sick. I do get hungry at odd hours, like immediately after lunch or before going to sleep. And when I do get hungry, I crave for different foods. It can be Brother's Burger one day, then the native palitaw the next. As of this writing, I am craving for rich and creamy cheesecake - the baked kind.

Baby M still doesn't have a final name. Mike and I can't agree on names!! To him, everything I suggest sounds like a porn star's name daw. To me, everything he suggests sounds so dated and old. What to do what to do.

I still cannot believe we made it this far. Ten weeks ago, while confined in the labor room,I thought we were going to lose baby M. Two weeks ago, while in a wedding reception, I thought baby M was coming out na. I didn't know which was worse - the thought of giving birth in the middle of the ballroom, or of baby M coming out prematurely.

We took it one day at a time. I thanked God for each day that she stayed in my womb. And now, here we are. The thought of having a new addition to our family seems so .. surreal. In three to five weeks time, we will be the parents of two beautiful girls. Chloe will be a big sister na.

I am enjoying the last few weeks of my time alone with Chloe. After all, these moments (just Chloe, me and Mike) will never happen again.

Sick

If our nearby hospital issues a customer loyalty card, we would probably be one of the first in line to get one.

The three of us (Mike, Chloe and I) have been taking turns getting sick since December last year. Never all at the same time. But usually, it's Mike or Chloe who gets sick more frequently. I'm the 'healthiest' one.

Just a side kwento. The age gap between me and Mike is six years - a super, duper BIG NO-NO for the traditional Chinese. According to the Chinese horoscope, any of these things can happen:
- Mike and I will fight a lot OR
- Mike will get sick a lot. (He's a pig, I'm a snake. I'm more powerful between the two)

And then, Chloe was born in the year of the pig too.

And they're getting sick a lot.....

So I'm looking around for a feng shui expert to tell me if there's a pangontra for these things.

Chinese horoscopes and feng shui stuff aside, I really think people are getting sick a lot because of the weather. The cold in the air just leaves our immune system weakened. Plus the strain of the viruses going around is probably stronger now than it used to be. A cold used to last for just a few days. Mine has been around for more than a week now.

Aside from the weather, I also think it's the food we eat that weakens our system. Which is why I want to switch to a healthier diet. Have been looking around for organic stuff lately. One of these days, I'm going to donate all the processed foods in our pantry, which my parents so happily buy every week. I've lectured them so many times on the ill effects of processed foods and canned goods, all to no avail. To them, there is a part of the pig's body that resembles the meat in a can of Spam. Haaay.

Stay healthy everyone!

One fine Sunday...

We decided to bring Chloe biking at Fort Bonifacio


Unfortunately, the bike's gears weren't working. So the little one decided to start posing for pictures instead..



After which, we all got hungry and went to Chelsea Market & Cafe for a late lunch. The little one feasted on the complimentary bread...


Mike had this pork dish with cranberries...


I had the Fettuccine Carbonara. I was so hungry, I forgot to take a picture. :P

We ended the day with scoops of gelato from Gelatissimo....


We took lots of pics that day, but this one is my favorite....



FYI, I was seated most of the time. :)

Discipline 101

It is during times like these when I feel that I am unfit for motherhood.

I just came from a two hour battle with Chloe. Over eight spoonfuls of rice and chicken adobo. And the battle is not over. She is still downstairs, facing the wall and crying her heart out. I cannot say that I've won the battle, even though she is currently serving her 'sentence' for it. We are both worn out, tired and exasperated from each other. Yet, I do not think either of us came out the wiser.

I have left the care of Chloe to her yaya for almost seven months now. The yaya is wonderful. At least, I think she is. I feel she loves Chloe, and sincerely believes she's doing the right thing. But after interviewing several moms who have kids around Chloe's age, and finding out that their kids are eating by themselves already, I panicked. A year ago, while we were out malling, Mike and I saw a boy of about eight to ten years old, being spoonfed by a yaya while his mom looked on. Spoonfed. At (conservatively) eight years old!!! I shudder at the thought of Chloe reaching that age, and still being spoonfed.

So the transition from being spoonfed to eating by herself was sudden. One day, I just decided on it. I know she knows how to eat by herself. All I have to do now is make her want to do it.

And from the looks of it, I'm not being successful at the task.

I have to remind myself that I am dealing with a three year old. I have to remind myself that when I was still single, I had dreams of being THE BEST mom because I'd know how to handle my own kids well. Silly me. It wasn't a dream. It was a fantasy.

Look at where we are now. :( The dinner table has become a battleground of some sort. We both dread being on it. We both cannot wait to get out of it.

Not only that. But lately, EVERYTHING has been a struggle. From getting her to brush her teeth in the morning, to getting her to brush her teeth at night. Even the aircon and electric fan have become issues. She wants it on. I want it off. And we fight.

Sometimes, actually, a lot of times, I just want to let her be. You don't want to brush your teeth? Then don't. You don't want to eat? Then don't. But if I do that, what kind of mother would I be?

I need to preserve my sanity, if only so I'd still be sane when the second baby comes. Even now, when people (i.e. MY MOM) tell me I need to bring another baby to this world in the hopes that it'll be a boy, in my mind, I am secretly bonking them on the head already. It would be so easy to just give birth and leave everything to the yaya's hands. But I know myself -- I cannot do it. I AM a hands on mom.

The other day, after a post toothbrush war, Chloe told her yaya she's scared of me. Because I'm so mad daw. It broke my heart into pieces. It made me think even more of whether I'm doing the right thing.

I knew parenting would be hard. I just didn't realize it would be this hard.

Hormonal

So to clarify, I am hormonal not because I'm mad at the world. :)

But because lately, I have been extra teary eyed, and that's putting it mildly.

I.cry.at.everything.

The night before Mike left for HK, I cried like we wouldn't see each other for the next six months. To think he would be gone for only five days.

I cried while watching 'My Amnesia Girl.' Not teary eyed crying. More like hagulgol crying.

I cried while watching the last two episodes of Desperate Housewives. Why? I do not know.

I cried when I saw McDonald's relaunching of the Karen commercial.

I cry when I see Chloe do something new. I cry when she tells me she loves me. Every night.

So that is why I think I'm hormonal.