Our Two Angels

It's a rare moment to have my two girls napping at the same time...





You see Chloe's pic above? Look at the penguin. It's her baby. It's swaddled. She got that from watching me swaddle her baby sister all the time. Even the way she swaddles it is similar to how I do it! No, I didn't sit her down and teach her. She learned it just by watching me.



Another thing she learned by watching me. In this pic, she's breastfeeding her baby. :) She forgot to lift up her shirt, but that's okay. :)

Cukay

Wenya brought home red velvet cake from Cukay, one of the stalls in Eastwood's indoor food market.



The thing with me is, the more I love the food, the longer it will stay in the ref. So I can savor it longer. :) This small slice of yummy red velvet cake is almost guaranteed to stay in our ref for another week or so. I loved the cream cheese frosting.

Too bad they didn't include their website on their label.

Cristine

When I was in college, people who didn't know me well would often call me Christine. In the course I was enrolled in, there was a girl named Christine who had the same surname as me. You can imagine how fun (dripping with sarcasm now) it was for me to have my test papers and other college documents constantly mixed up with hers.

Even in the business world, foreign suppliers would often call me Christine.

And I wonder why.

Hellloooooo??? The only thing these two names have in common are the beginning letter and the last three letters. I personally do not think the two names sound alike. What about the Melissas of the world? Are they remembered as Melanie/Melinda?

Then the other day, I got this in the email:






Naku ha. Twice na nga naka sign ung name ko eh. Hindi pa rin malinaw?

:D

Success!

I can't bilibit! Even when I was diligently pumping milk for Chloe, I could never pump this much from both boobs!

Having Margaux leave the hospital with us really helped. With Chloe, we had to leave her there for 10 days because of an infection. Since I was a breastfeeding novice then, I only pumped twice a day, causing my milk supply to drastically decrease.

It also helped to have my Gmail chat buddy / breastfeeding cheerleader Jenny patiently answer all my questions on breastfeeding. If not for her, I would've given up by now. It really helped to have someone tell me what is and isn't normal. Even with all my determination to breastfeed, I had serious doubts about my milk supply especially during the first few nights. Each time I put Margaux down to sleep, she'd wake up ten minutes after, wanting to feed! It's comfort nursing, Jenny said. Or, as I'd like to put it, Margaux just wants me to be her human pacifier. Hahaahah. My solution? Co sleeping. She gets to feed, I get to rest. And I wake up with lots of milk, resulting in the pic shown above.

Plus now, whenever I am overcome with happiness over my two daughters, I leak milk! Just this morning, I glanced at Margaux and watched her while she slept. Seconds later, there was that familiar tingling sensation and drip, drip, drip came the milk! One time, Chloe said something particularly touching, and a few seconds later, I had two big wet circles on my chest area. Hahahahah! I'm an unstoppable milk dispenser. :D

Breastfeeding issues

Before I gave birth to baby M, now known as Margaux Francine, one of the things that I was determined to do was to purely breastfeed her.

Which is why I was pleasantly surprised to know about Cardinal Santos's strict policy on breastfeeding. When I gave birth to Chloe years ago, they already had breastfeeding posters and flyers posted in the labor room and nursery. But, if the mom is unavailable or prefers not to breastfeed, they automatically gave the babies formula or glucose water. Now, their policy is, unless there is a medical reason not to, moms are highly encouraged to breastfeed their babies as soon as possible. Two hours after I gave birth, I was gently woken up by the nurse who brought Margaux to me for latching. Five hours after I gave birth, still groggy from exhaustion and medications, I was wheeled into their breastfeeding room to feed Margaux. I didn't mind though. It was one of those things that I had mentally prepared myself for.

Unfortunately, not all moms are as prepared as I was. It was on my third feeding session that I met E, a second time mom but a first time breastfeeder. Everytime her newborn baby would latch, E would break out into a sweat from the pain. She would wince and cry out a bit. She couldn't understand why breastfeeding was painful, she told me. Nurses told her her baby was latching well. Maybe it's because she doesn't have milk, she reasoned out. The junior nurses could only look on as she muffled her shrieks with EACH breastfeeding session. And everytime I'd go into the breastfeeding room, she'd be there sitting on the same chair, confiding that she has been there almost the whole day.

She asked the head nurse for a break from breastfeeding, so that her sore nipples can rest. The nurses wouldn't let her, she said. On the day she was discharged, I couldn't help but overhear her conversation with her pedia. The pedia gave her the go signal to rest from breastfeeding and to give her baby glucose water. Once her pedia left, the head nurse came out and discussed with her the benefits of breastfeeding and how to go about it.

Head nurse (HN) goes on and on about the advantages, which, I'm sure, E already knows. E nods her head and keeps silent the whole time. When the nurse was finished with her lecture, E finally spoke up and asked for glucose water (she was wary about making her own glucose water so she wanted to get some from the nursery instead).

HN's face immediately changes. From her ultra positive stance on breastfeeding just seconds ago, her eyebrows were now furrowed, almost like she was quietly tsk-tsking E for her glucose water request.

This isn't verbatim, but their conversation more or less sounded like this:

HN: Ma'm, ang breastfeeding talaga is the best for baby. Wala po talagang makakalamang sa gatas ng ina.

E: Oo, magbe breastfeed naman ako eh. Pero papahinga lang ako sandali kasi masakit na talaga.

HN: Pero kasi talagang walang makakatalo sa gatas ng ina, ma'm.
And then she goes on to repeat the lecture she gave a few minutes ago.

E: Pero kukuha lang ako ng glucose water, konti lang, break lang sandali, then mag feed ako ulit.

Listening in on their conversation, it seemed to me that no one was really listening to each other. Both just wanted to say what they wanted to say, without really hearing what the other person is saying. The nurse wasn't addressing the mom's pain issues, and the mom wasn't listening na din to what the nurse was saying. It made me wonder too, if the head nurse really breastfed her baby, or she's just lecturing what the DOH has required them to say.

I'm not sure how their conversation ended. But minutes later, when E left the room, the head nurse described E as "makulit kasi nag-iinsist ng glucose water eh breastfeeding talaga dapat."

It is situations like these that would really discourage first time moms (and bfeeders) to give up altogether. I believe all moms have the best intentions for their little ones when they're just starting to breastfeed. I believe most moms read up / research on breastfeeding to prepare themselves for things like sore nipples, frequent feedings, mastitis, milk output, etc. But to me, no amount of reading can prepare you for them. One wouldn't understand sore nipples unless she has felt the toe curling pain of baby latching on for the first few days. One wouldn't understand frequent feedings unless she has been woken up by loud, hungry cries every five to ten minutes. One wouldn't understand concerns on milk output unless she has pumped out milk that amounted only to less than an ounce. One wouldn't understand rock hard breasts unless she has felt the rock hard, painful lumps herself.

And then one day, the pain from sore nipples becomes unbearable. Or maybe they get depressed with their pumped out milk volume. Or they are so overcome with exhaustion that they just think,what the heck, I was formula fed, and I turned out okay. And they just stop.

I applaud Cardinal Santos' strict policy on breastfeeding. But maybe, a little more empathy on the nurses' side will work wonders. It's hard enough going through the first few days of breastfeeding, given the hospital's strict breastfeeding policy. But it's even harder to know that the people who are supposed to be encouraging and teaching first time moms about breastfeeding are passing judgements just because you want a 'break' from bfeeding.

The Bad...and the Ugly

They said the second time around would be easier.

I was sooooo banking on that thought when D day came. What started out as a bloody show Saturday afternoon eventually progressed into a cramping marathon on Tuesday. By Tuesday afternoon, I knew it was time to go to the hospital.

So imagine my surprise when the doctors told me that it was all a false alarm, and that I am to go home and wait for my contractions to progress. So I sat up to get dressed, and the moment I did, I felt my waterbag break.

"Why is the water greenish?" Mike asked.

Hooooo nooooo, I thought. Is that meconium? Nooooooo.... I don't want meconium. That will mean delivery by CS!! NOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOO!!!

"Call the doctors!" They were all outside attending to the other patients.

Good thing that they said it wasn't meconium. It was just good 'ol plain amniotic fluid. Whew.....

Then the contractions started becoming more intense. Mike was there to hold my hand through it all, but eventually, he had to leave, leaving me all alone in the labor room, with only the interns and the resident OBs as my companions.

I was admitted to the labor room at around 7.30pm. By 9.30, I was at 4cm. By 10.30, I was at 5cm. And baby was dropping. So through the pain, it was the relatively easier and faster labor that kept me holding on to the thought that hey.... the second time around IS easier.

I lost track of the time after that, as the pains became more intense. I held several doctors' hands, held the bed rail, muffled my face with the pillow, covered my mouth.... I did everything to keep myself from losing control.

At 5 cm, I started asking for the epidural. That was how I remembered it with Chloe - the epidural was given to me at 5cm. But the resident doctors said they will wait for my OB's advise. Fine... let's wait.

By the time my OB arrived, I was at 8cm already. No hand holding, muffling or covering my face helped. Margaux was ready to come out, and she was ready NOW! I screamed as each contraction racked my body. At its peak, the contractions felt like several elephants stomping on my uterus all at the same time!!

"ASAN NA UNG ANESTHESIOLOGIST!!!!!!" I screamed.

"She's in the parking lot na..." my OB replied.

So I waited and waited and hoped she'd hurry up.

2 cms later, she was still a no show!

By this time, I was screaming like a pig. To hell with what everybody in the room thought. They aren't the ones in pain!!

Finally, the late (and not great) anesthesiologist arrived. It took her four attempts before the epidural was successfully administered. All this, while I was curled up like a shrimp.

Where was my hubby, you might ask?

He was waiting for the signal to go inside the DR. But he heard my screams from where he was, and requested that he be allowed inside. I felt his hand stroke my forehead, to signal his presence, for which I am grateful for.

Then the urge to push became too great to control. The epidural was useless!! It was the sedative (given when I was still lucid) that was taking over. I couldn't keep my eyes open, but I could feel each contraction. I could hear small parts of conversations taking place, but I couldn't open my eyes to see who were doing the talking. I could hear my hubby's voice, but I didn't know exactly where he was.

Then the doctors and nurses began the countdown.

Inhale...1...2....3..4...5...6..7..8..9..10...PUSH!!!

Exhale.......

Then they repeat the countdown.

I didn't feel any numbness. There was just pain. Great, unbearable, inexplicable PAIN.

I heard someone saying she'll put a gas mask on me, to help me cope with the pain. (Mike later said it was the anes... explaining away why the epidural wasn't taking effect.) Again, useless!!

After several death defying pushes, Margaux was finally out!! YAY!!

BUT, it wasn't over!

Since the epidural didn't take effect, I could feel each needle prick as the OB sewed me up.

After a few stitches, I blacked out.

*************************************************************************************

I don't know exactly what happened after that. Either I passed out from the pain, or the gas mask made me fall asleep.

When I was transferred to my room later that morning, the first thing Mike and I talked about was all the screaming I did. We couldn't help but compare it with our first delivery, where there was no scream fest whatsoever.

What went wrong?

Based on what we recalled, all we could agree on was that the anesthesiologist was late.

I remember being at 8 cm and still no signs of the anesthesiologist.

I know she arrived when I was in the DR. Mike wasn't called in until the epidural had been administered. And he said, all we did in the DR was wait for the epidural to take effect. My OB began pricking me to see if I could feel the pain. I could feel each prick no! Then Margaux came out then eventually she had to sew me up, and until that time, I could feel the needle pricks pa!

So many of my friends said not to pay the anes. One even said to sue her.

The anesthesiologist visited us twice while we were in the hospital. I was so surprised (and shocked) to see her the first time, I didn't know what to say. Do anesthesiologists usually visit their 'patients?' She kept explaining why the epidural didn't take effect agad. No apologies (which was what I wanted). All explanations. None of which made sense to me, nor seemed acceptable din. But as I said, I'm just really relieved and happy, so I didn't say anything na lang.

Mike, on the other hand, had a lot of things to say. And talk away he did on the anes' 2nd visit.

Must have caught the anes by surprise. She finally apologized to my husband (none pa din to me as of today). And gave us a discount on her rates. Big discount daw. But when we saw the statement, eto na ba yung big discount?

So my second labor experience, sad to say, was uber traumatic. I wonder, if we do decide to sue, do we have grounds? :( Plus we paid na din. :( Was it the wrong thing to do?

The Good......

Margaux Francine Uy Dy
March 23, 2011
12.16 am
6 lbs 8 oz
48 cm



Proud papa!




Birth day cake from Auntie Audrey. :)

I wish I had taken a picture of all the people who visited us. But, as Liza said, I only think of these ideas after the moment has gone. Harharhar. Let me enumerate na lang:

Mom and dad - my first visitors! Actually, more of Margaux's first visitors. They waited in the nursery then left. I was still in the recovery room kasi. Recovering from the uber traumatic experience, which will be discussed shortly in the next post.

Liza - my first official visitor. Mare, thank you for the food!!

Val, Anj, Alan, Joe - thank you for the Krispy Kreme and the grape juice! Buti na lang you didn't give it to room 206 mwehwehwehweh

Cathy, MIL, Charlie - thank you for the dimsum! Hmmm.... puro food. :)

Mom, dad, Rich, Auds, Ian, Mon, Wenya, Wio, Alford - again, so much food! It was actually a semi party for Margaux's birth. We had candle blowing pa.

Maki, Malou - again, thanks for the cake! :D

Sharon and Jon - Appreciated your visit so much since you guys were to leave for US the next day, but you chose to visit me even with unpacked suitcases. Hahahahah!

Explaining death....

Meet Apple and Orange. :) Apple, the red one, is a fighting fish, a gift our secretary gave to Chloe. Orange, the uhm.. orange one, is the fish Chloe caught during her school fair.


It took her sometime to catch Orange. And before she did, she asked her papa to buy a fishbowl, painted the bowl herself, and waited for it to dry. She wanted to make sure that her new fish will have a ready home waiting.

Unfortunately, Orange passed away this morning. :( And when I told Chloe about it, she cried. :( Cried like there was no tomorrow. :(

I was actually surprised with her reaction. Why? Well, I mentioned in a previous post that Chloe gives me freshly-picked-from-the-compound-garden flowers everyday. And she would see them turn brown and die. And I'd tell her that the flowers are dead and that we have to throw them na. And she'd be okay with it. So I thought, for a 3 year old, Chloe must have understood the concept of death pretty well.

So this morning, I blindly thought she'd just as easily accept Orange's passing away.

ME: Chloe, Orange is not here na. She went to heaven already.
Chloe: Why? Why did she go to heaven?
ME: Because it's time na for her to go.
Chloe: But I love her!!

I went up to our room while Chloe went down na to the garage. Of course, I picked the best time to announce this unfortunate event - this conversation happened minutes before she was to leave for school.

A few seconds later, from our third floor, I heard a loud bawl from the garage.

Chloe: WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
*At this point, Mike was giving me the evil eye.
ME: Chloe, don't cry na....
Chloe: Why (sob) is Orange (sob sob) going to heaven?
Chloe: What will she do there? WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
ME: O sige, let's just get a new Orange for you, okay?
Chloe: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I donwanuwan!!! I want Orange!!
ME: Okay, let's ask someone to fetch Orange from heaven, okay?
Mike: Chloe, papa will fetch Orange in heaven for you
ME: Uh, NO YOU WILL NOT MIKE!
Chloe: Who's that someone who will fetch Orange?
ME: Secret
Chloe: Why won't you tell me?!?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
ME: It's a surprise. One day, you'll see Orange is back na!!!

This calmed her down a bit. Well, calm enough for Mike to be able to back out of our garage with Chloe quietly sniffling beside him. But when she got to school, she cried again.

Haaaaaaaaay. I want to bonk myself on the head. Can someone please do it for me? How could I have thought that death would be a concept my baby could accept so easily? I'm 30+ years older than her and I still cannot understand it.