Expectations

A few weeks before my uncle passed away, my mom told us that she was already at that stage where she realized that everything in life should be ham-ham, a Chinese term which means so-so. She used to have a lot of expectations before, not only from us, but also from herself. But now that she has "one leg buried in her grave" (her words, not mine), she learned to stop expecting and just accept things as they are.

I began to wonder, is my mom right? Should this be the right direction to take? After all, so many arguments and disappointments in my life could have been avoided if I had stopped expecting things, and focused instead on accepting things as they are. On the other hand, without expectations, what would motivate people to take the extra mile in things they do?

Let's say I assigned a project to our sales department. Of course, I need to have expectations, right? I need to have a deadline, and an idea of what needs to happen on the day of the deadline. Without expectations, the project would probably never get finished. Or it will be finished, with pathetic results. So, in that aspect, expectations are a must.

But when it comes to relationships, should it be an altogether different ballgame? Let's take Mike for example. Mike and I are in a relationship. Of course, we have expectations from each other. I expect him to be this, and that, and this and that. But what if he can't meet all of my expectations? Should I accept things as they are? Or should I look for someone who meets all my expectations? (note: use of Mike as an example is purely for hypothetical purposes only :) )

What about friendships? I used to think that my highshcool barkada and I would be friends till the end. But now, even with all the advancements in technology, I find out that it's hard for some of them to keep in touch with the group. One is so busy with office work that she rarely has time to answer SMS. Another one threw a bday party without inviting our highschool barkada. Again, everything boils down to expectations. Should I accept that that's just the way things are? Or should I look for friends who'll meet my expectations?

I guess my mom was looking at the bigger picture when she said what she said. At her age, she probably realized that, hey, life is still good, even if all my expectations didn't happen, life is still good. Baka ganon.

In the end, I guess it's all about how important the person is in my life. Because, let's face it, it would be really hard to live life without expecting things from people. I have to admit, I expect a lot from Mike, because he does play a big part in my life. I expect a lot from my good friends, because they also play a big part in my life. So when they fail to meet my expectations, the disappointment is much much more than when an acquaintance fails to meet my expectations.

Then there's also the question on what expectation it is that they didn't meet. With Mike as an example aggain, I expect him to be on time for our date. When he isn't, well, that I can take. I expect him to be loyal to me in our relationship. If he isn't, that I cannot and will not take.

Same with my friends. I expect them to be courteous enough to answer my SMS. But if sometimes, they don't, that I can still take. But, when they do it so often that there really is no communication anymore, well, I guess it's a sign that the friendship isn't going anywhere anymore.

I guess I answered my own question. My mom is partially right. There are certain things in life that I can accept as so-so. But then, there are also some things which I cannot and will not accept as so-so.