Delici

I just had a crappy day. Office work just kept piling up. I had some issues with one of our sales reps. I am typing with a burnt finger, courtesy of my oven that seems to have a mind of its own. Aside from that, I just burnt half of the 80++ cookies that I baked tonight.

But I can't stop smiling. :) :)

Because of this post -- "http://dessertcomesfirst.blogspot.com/2005/11/for-cookie-monster-in-you.html"

:)

Wedding theme

For several days now, I have been racking my brain for a really good theme for the wedding. It has to be something that is relevant to both of us. And I'm slowly realizing that Mike and I are one boring couple. Why? We-ell, these were the only themes I could think of:

80's theme
I remember how the song "Walking on Sunshine" kept playing on Mike's radio when we were still dating. That, and "Just Got Lucky." Hmmm... maybe he was already trying to tell me something back then. Hehe. I love the 80's music. So does he. If we go with the 80's theme, of course the music played would all be from that decade. And the gowns can be designed in accordance with the 80's theme too!! Shiny satin gowns with puffed sleeves! And let us not forget -- the hair and make-up! Colorful blue eyeshadow with teased bangs, held in place with a can of Aqua spraynet! HAHAHA! (Val! Val? Don't back out!) And my bridal bouquet will be almost as tall as me. Does anyone remember those? With flowers reaching all the way to the ground!

Movie theme
We love watching movies. So with the movie theme, I want to give out "Love Actually" VCDs to our secondary sponsors -- our first movie premiere together. I would prefer giving out VCDs of the very first movie we saw. Unfortunately, our first movie together was Ecks. vs. Sever. Hardly what I'd call a romantic movie. Plus some flavored popcorn and gummi bears in one box. Plus two movie tickets to Ayala cinemas, which is where we usually watch movies. Para ready to go to the movies talaga! And then only movie soundtracks will be played throughout the whole evening. Tables will have movie titles instead of numbers. And then our AVP will look like a trailer for a movie. Hihihi! I'm getting all excited just thinking of it.

Everything sweet theme
To celebrate the sweetness of our love.. hahahahaha! Okay.. I know it's cheesy. But guests will bring home cookies from Delici, plus a small recipe book of our favorite desserts. But the thing is, I can't think of any minute details that can contribute to the theme. Hmmm... isip isip.

Asian theme
For obvious reasons. :) The centerpiece will be a single orchid surrounded by votive candles. And then, shempre Chinese food -- that's a given. The cake will be oriental in design too. I know the details will come, but as of now, yan pa lang naisip ko.

So there -- four themes that are relevant to us, but not really bongga. I like the 80's theme only because of the music! But I love the movie theme best. Tell me which theme you think is the cutest. :) Maybe I can incorporate all of the ideas?

The past two weeks... in pictures

Our engagement!

Hale and Cueshe in Metro!
I'm embarassed to say that I didn't know who they were until I saw them in concert. I know their songs, but I couldn't distinguish between the two. The "concert" started around 10:30pm and ended at 2:30am. I say "concert" because it was a comedy show with the two bands in it. I actually didn't think that I'd enjoy myself so much in the show. It helped that we had front row seats. It also helped that Raymond told the comedians not to heckle our group. So it was a lot of fun watching how other people reacted when they were singled out for the verbal insults. :D


Bora
Bora was actually unplanned. It was only finalized two days before we were scheduled to leave. I seem to be taking more and more vacations with my friends. A last hurrah before tying the knot.

Being the O.C.person that I am, I surfed the net on the best restos in Bora. Absent-minded me forgot to bring the list with me. Thankfully, most of the restaurants' names were familiar. I walked all the way to station 1 in search of Jonah's famous shakes. When I entered the restaurant, I plopped myself on their chair, and asked for their best selling shake. "Choco banana peanut," the waitress said. Or banana-choco-peanut ata? Yummmmy...






Look Ma! No glue! On the coconuts that is.

The Tight-anic!

Unexplainably excited

Now that the engagement is over, I can't wait to begin with the wedding preps.

So far, we have only booked four suppliers -- the photographer, the make-up artist, the church and the reception area. The list has not improved since May. :) Admittedly, it's because I'm so lazy and busy with other stuff. Sometimes, I wonder if maybe I'm just a teeny weeny bit abnormal. I know other brides are planning their weddings down to what color bowties the food servers should be wearing. I, on the other hand, would love to just sit with someone and have them decide on all the aspects of the wedding for me.

But after the engagement, my feelings on wedding preps changed. Now, I'm excited to begin planning the itsy bitsy details. Can you believe we haven't even decided on a color yet? Mike left the color decision to me. I can't decide whether to have varying shades of pink, or lime green and aqua, or red, or silver and tiffany blue, or tiffany blue lang, or champagne pink. Hmmmmm..... This may take a while.

We went to "Weddings, Get Set, Go," the bridal fair held in Rockwell Tent last October 15 coz Audrey was there and I went to give her some moral support. Not that she needed it. Their booth did pretty well I think. Am not too keen on going to bridal fairs, as most of the exhibitors offer photo/video services, and we have one already. So while walking around the tent, I was elated to see that Manila Philharmonic Orchestra is now offering their services for weddings!!! So will visit them and check out their performances. The nice thing about MPO is that their rates are comparable with other popular string ensembles. :0

For the ballroom set up, Mike and I are considering Dangwa for our guest tables's centerpieces, since they tend to go unnoticed for Chinese lauriats anyway. Only the presidential table will be adorned with lots of tall vases with colored water, and lots of pristine white calla lillies. Eeeeeh! Then there's the standard ceiling treatment. The flowers for the entourage, well, I'm not too concerned about them since, really, nobody notices them anyways, unless they're really ugly. :) We're considering Lala of Interplay to do the ballroom set up for us. We also met with Jun Hen, but the price he gave us is just a bit higher than our budget. But, and this is a big BUT, he's not out of the question yet. Diba Mike? :)

Audrey will be emceeing for the reception, and she has volunteered to make our AVP -- FREE!!!!! Hihihihihi!! And Val will be making our cakes too, and she's really very detailed when it comes to the cake design. :) Fyi, she made our cakes for the engagement, and everybody raved about the moist and flavorful carrot cake. Yummmmm! Delici Pastries and Sweets will be supplying the wedding favors, so you now have an idea what the favor is. Mike and I get to choose our favorite cookies and share them with our guests. Mine is white chocolate. Mike's is anything chocolate. Hehehe.

Hay.... I always, always dreamt that my wedding... errr... OUR wedding suppliers will be mostly friends, coz I feel that the wedding is extra special that way. And I'm really happy that things are turning out just as I thought they would.

So that leaves the following: sound system, couturier... Wala na ba? That's it? Does this mean I'm almost done with wedding preps?

After the engagement...

First off, I want to thank the people who attended. It really meant a lot to me.
Liza said that Audrey said that I cried during the engagement. Admittedly, I'm a super sentimental person. I cry at weddings of people I don't know, and I cry at PLDT and Jollibee commercials. My brother tells people that I'm super sociable and close to a lot of people, coz it just takes a sad story to get those tear ducts working. However, for my engagement, I honestly did not shed a single tear. I did feel like crying while walking backwards, coz all eyes were on me and I kept tripping on my dang gown. Oh, and the fact that it seemed so final and formal. But that was it. I texted Audrey to clarify, and she said she saw me sniffing. Oh... that was because I had a runny nose during the whole ceremony. :sheepish grin:

Eniweys, after the reception, Mike and I went to Ariel J.'s studio, where we posed for pictures for our album. There's just something about photographers no, that make you feel like you're a popular, international model posing for magazine shoots? Or am I the only one who feels that way when I have my picture taken by a professional photographer? "Ma'am, konting left pa... AYAN!!!!" "Ma'am, lean forward, smile,.. AYAAAAAN!" "Ma'am, tingin kayo sa mata ni sir... AYAN!!! GALING! GANDA!" After hearing comments like these, I suddenly felt like a professional model. Hehehehe. (Hey, I can dream, can't I?)

The first thing I did when I got home was.... eat. Nyarharharharhar! Takot ka na ba , Mike? :) The wedding is seven months away, still have a lot of time to diet and exercise. For days now, I have not allowed myself to have sweets and other junk foods. But yesterday, after I got home, all I really wanted to do was eat cake and sleep. And we had so many cakes! Courtesy of my very forgetful self. We had two big heart shaped cakes from DEC, and one big fondant cake from Val. Aside from that, we have a carton full of Mrs. Field's cookies!!! Eeeeeeh! They're in my room, all 5 boxes of them. I must really keep them out of sight.

Pictures to follow soon :)

Martha vs. The Donald

Am a fan of Donald Trump's The Apprentice. It used to be shown on ABC 5 every Monday night at 7pm. They moved it to a later timeslot -- Monday nights at 10pm. Yay! I used to miss a lot of episodes because of meetings and other stuff. But now, I can be home by 10 and still get to watch it. Martha's version is shown on Tuesday evenings. And while watching Martha's version, I couldn't help but compare it with The Donald's.

The Boardroom
Donald Trump's boardroom is dark and intimidating, with heavy interiors and a lot of wooden pieces of furniture. Martha's boardroom has that light, airy feeling that almost makes you want to spend a lot of time in it, which, in this case, is not good.

The Firing
Donald Trump has become famous for his line -- "You're fired!" Martha, on the other hand, is almost apologetic when she fires the booted out candidate. She puts it in another way --"One of you will have to... go... home." After she fired Jeff (the first candidate to be fired), she even wrote him an inspirational note. :)

The Personality
Donald exudes an aura of confidence. I feel it even if he's inside the television. Martha seems unsure of herself. Maybe because she knows this is the first time the whole world will see her management style?!?

Anyways, I'm just happy that there are now two tv shows to look forward to. Also, Raymond downloaded the first three episodes of the O.C.'s season 3!!! I can't wait for Lost and Desperate Housewives!

Our engagement is just a few days away...

Four days from now, to be exact.

I've often pestered Mike with this question, "Are you excited? Are you nervous? Are you having doubts?"

These past few days, I have asked myself those same questions.

Am I excited?
Of course! I can't wait to walk backwards hehehe. I can't wait to see what will happen. How will our two families interact? What booboos will be committed? This is an event where the focus will be on us and us alone. My brother actually wanted to steal the limelight by wearing colored barong, which I vehemently protested against. "You can wear it for YOUR wedding, but not for MY tinghun!" :) Ooops... our tinghun pala. Hehehehe.

Am I nervous?
Very. For the same reasons that I am excited.

Am I having doubts?
I've never been more sure about anything in my life. I felt it as I was staring at Mike while he was driving me home. We've been together for two years now, and we've known each other for three. I thought that the kilig feeling would somehow lessen a bit by this time. It hasn't. :) I'm not saying that that's a surefire way to tell if we'll still be together ten years from now. But I'm hoping that it's a good sign though.

Right now, I'm just hoping for the following:
-- that I won't trip on my gown
-- that my feet won't kill me (if I don't die of embarassment first, assuming gown incident happens)
-- that my make up artist shows up on time
-- that my make up artist shows up at all
-- that we won't leave any of the tinghun requirements at home

I'm getting butterflies in my stomach just reading this post.

The unexpected

I was already sitting in Mike's car for a few minutes before I noticed this stuffed toy dangling in front of me.

KT: Is Cathy pregnant? (Cathy is Mike's sis who just got married January)
Mike: (smiles) Bakit mo natanung?
KT: BECAUSE! You're not the type to buy stuffed toys like this. So baka you bought it to give to your future pamangkin.
Mike: No, I bought it for you.
KT: Harharharharhahr.... that can't be. You know how I don't like stuffed toys.
Mike: Hindi nga! Tutoo, it's for you.
KT: (still thinking Mike's joking) Sige sige. I'll just buy it from you. Wala pa akong gift for my pamangkin.
Mike: (frowns a little) Ah ganon, my gift to you and ibibigay mo lang sa iba.
KT: Ano ka ba?!? Di ako naniniwalang gift mo yan no. Alam mong ayaw ko ng stuffed toy eh.

We spent around five minutes discussing the role of Mickey Mouse that afternoon. Mike insisting that it's his gift to me, and me not believing him.

Exasperated, Mike asked me, "Didn't you notice the pink box?!?!?"

Wha? Where? Oh there. There!! A pink box. A pink jewelry box. Could it be? I didn't dare imagine it could be. What if it's not?

I looked at him to see what his reaction was, as I gingerly reached over and took the box from Mickey Mouse's pouch. He was smiling from ear to ear as I did so. I slowly opened the box, and inside was the ring, lying on the velvet case in all its brilliant beauty.

I didn't know how to react. So I laughed and laughed, until tears started to well up in my eyes.

"O, isuot mo naman sa akin no," I said.

So he did. And then he asked, "So, what's the answer?"

"Ha? What's the question?!?" I countered.

Hehehehehe.

Yes honey, I like the ring. :)

Because she will never read this

The more time I spend with Willa, the more I realize how talented she really is. She has never taken professional lessons in photography, baking, cooking or make up, but she really has a knack for all those things I mentioned. Whatever pictures she takes using our low-end, low-tech digital camera, the pictures always come out beautifully. The other night, she gave me my trial make up for my upcoming engagement, and my make up turned out pretty but still natural looking. And when we bake, she's very OC, paying attention to every detail. So her cookies come out all beautiful and chewy, while mine are... er.... okay... I have my Delici brand name to look after pala. :)

But that's not why I'm writing this post.

My mom saw the trial make up Willa gave me, and decided that she will give me a trial make up too. Now, my mom's idea of make up is -- the darker, the better. So, after our make up session, I looked like I had black and blue eyelids. We asked for other people's opinions, and they all commented that my eyelids were too dark, while my face was too pale. But to my mom, I looked very pretty and flawless.

And then she hinted that she will be doing my makeup on the day of the engagement.

I panicked.

How do I say no? How do I tell her that I don't like her style? My face said it all - lips frowning, eyes all wide with fear and panic....

"Diba gusto mo yung mukhang payat na payat ang cheeks? Ayan o, lagyan natin nito....," she said, while applying something on my face with a blush brush.

"Ano ba yang nilalagay mo?" I asked. When I looked at the mirror, I had streaks of brown and black running down my cheeks. I don't know what my mom applied, but I looked like I was going to a Halloween party.

I couldn't stop it anymore. The whole time she was making me up, I was holding it in. But at that moment, I just let it all out. I let out a big laugh, and she laughed too. We laughed so hard.. and it was something we've never done before. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. Tears of panic, tears of guilt and tears of joy. Because in all our 20++ years of living together, we have never laughed about anything.... together.

I feel so guilty, because I know that she tries to be a part of the engagement / wedding, and I just won't let her. And I have all sorts of excuses for all her ideas. They're too old fashioned. They're too weird. They're too magulo. As I mentioned before, sometimes, I think I contradict her just because I want to.

I told Liza about the incident, and she made an interesting confession. She said, that while we were growing up, she always thought my parents were separated.

Huwaaaaaaaat?!?!?! Why? When? Wha?!?!?!

"Because you almost never mentioned your mom."

I didn't?!?!?

I didn't notice that I never mentioned my mom. But then, during my growing up years, my mom didn't really play a big part in my life. Until I was in college, I thought relationships between moms and daughters were supposed to be formal all the time. I guess she had wanted to be a part of my life back then, she just didn't know how to. I was so furious when I learnt that she read my journal, where I really wrote down everything I felt about her. That incident started a year of silence between us. Looking back now, I realize that she read my journal because that was the only way she knew she could get to know me.

People always talk about walls in relationships, and I never really understood what that meant, until I looked at my relationship with my mom. Somehow, even when we were talking, I knew that I was holding back. And even until now, I can't explain what it is exactly that I'm holding back. Or why I'm holding back.

Now that I am just a few years away from having children of my own (I hope), my thoughts have turned to how I would be as a mother. I had promised myself years before that the relationship I would share with my children would be very different from the one I have with my mom. Ours (my children and I) would be the relationship that you see on powdered milk commercials -- where the moms are always made up prettily, with their kids looking at them and hugging them with big smiles on their faces.

The question is, would I know how to be that type of mom?

Another question, how would I handle it if my daughter was like me? What if, even after all my efforts to bring them powdered milk in my prettiest outfit, they still end up walking slowly towards me with a guarded look in their eyes? What if they act reserved, stiff, formal and guarded, just like I did?

How would I handle it?

*sighs*

Because I want Rory's lashes...

Yes, I am jealous of Rory and her thick, long lashes.

I don't know if it's a Chinese thing, but I have yet to meet a Tsinay with long lashes that are curled naturally.

So when I saw Vivian sporting curled lashes, I asked her if she used an eyelash curler. "Pina-perm ko, sa 'Let's Face It'," she said.

There. Modern technology has given me an answer to sparse, straight lashes.

So the next day, I went to their Timog branch. I was told that the whole process would last for 1.5 hours, and I had to keep my eyes closed the whole time. Will it hurt? The lady in charge (Jessica) assured me it won't. So I lied down and welcomed the 1.5 hours of peace and quiet.

The first few minutes were bearable. Willa told me that Jessica rolled a strip of tape to hold my lashes in place, and used a tweezer to stick my lashes to the tape. I had my eyes closed the whole time, so I couldn't see what exactly she was doing. The tugging and pulling became a bit rough though, and for a few minutes, I was afraid that I might end up with no lashes at all. But Jessica assured me that my lashes were still in place. :)

It was when she applied the perming solution that my eyes started to hurt. Not stinging-hurt. More like how the eyes feel when they're dried out. I became teary eyed, which made it all the more difficult to hold my lashes in place. Even though I was told to keep my eyes closed, I opened them a bit just to check if I can still see. And when I opened them, the solution would seep under my eyelids, making my eyes hurt even more. So I'd close them again, and let the pain subside. But because of the pain, I would open my eyes again to check if I'm going blind. In the end, I decided to just keep my eyes closed. Otherwise, the cycle wouldn't stop.

After an hour, Willa came in to check up on me.

me: How do I look?
Willa: Mukha kang umiyak the whole day.

Great. Even with my eyes closed, I looked like I had sore eyes? Oh joy.

After 90 minutes, Jessica came in and removed all the gook and solutions on my eyelids. I asked for the mirror to see how they looked.

Hallelujah!!! I do have eyelashes!!!

The left lashes were more curled than my right lashes, because my right eye was tearing up the whole time, while my left eye was surprisingly unaffected.

Nobody notices my newly permed lashes, but I feel more dainty and feminine because of them.

I wish though, that I had chosen the lash extensions instead of the lash perming. Because my lashes are still sparse. Curled and pretty, but sparse pa rin.

Crash course in parenting

I am, at 28, a mother to six children. Or an older sister, depending on how you look at it.

It's like a crash course in parenting. Suddenly, my brothers, my dad and I have to fix our schedule on who brings my cousins to school, and who will pick them up. The schedules have to be well coordinated.

But for their school enrollments, requirements etc., I sometimes feel that it has become my sole responsiblity. I have two cousins currently enrolled as seniors in an unknown highschool somewhere nearby. The responsiblity of getting application forms and checking their testing periods has fallen on my shoulders.

Yesterday, I called DLSU to ask them something about their requirements.

DLSU: Taga-san ba yung mga mag-aapply?
KT: Taga -(name of school here) ho.
DLSU: May highschool ba yun?!?
KT: Aaaah.....uhm.... opo.

From that single question alone, can I conclude that DLSU has never accepted or encountered applicants from that school?

I ask my cousin, "So, anong ginagawa niyo sa school?" And she replies, "Nagkwekwentuhan, nag-gigitara, walang nakikinig sa teacher...." ?!?!? Sus... they can do those things here at home. No need to pay the school for that. And obviously, nobody from the school handles the college applications of their senior students.

If there's anything I learned from living with my cousins, it's this -- it's hard being a parent. Either you're the cool dude who allows the kids to do as they please, or you're the stern adult who says no to everything. There are times when my dad vents out his frustration over my cousins to us. And I am tempted to ask him, "Dad, nung bata pa ako, binigyan ba kita ng ganong sakit ng ulo?" But I don't ask him, because I'm afraid I won't like the answer. :)

Maltese pups for sale!!

These Maltese pups are cute (sob!), loveable (sigh...), and for sale (bawwwwwwwwl!!!!).







The puppy on top is Mickeyboy. That's him again in the second picture, looking straight at the camera. His father's name is Chickyboy. :) We have eight puppies in all. And it breaks my heart to have to sell them. Not all of them, but most of them. Either we sell them, or we take care of them. Choosing the latter would bring the total number of dogs in the house to 18. Which will probably drive us nuts.

I actually didn't want to name the puppies, because it's harder to let go of them that way. But of course, to distinguish them, we need to label them. There's Mickeyboy nga, and he's the eldest and the biggest. Then there's Bibo, who got lost in the second picture. Bibo because he wags his tail and plays with anybody who approaches him. So far, only two pups have been named. And already, I cannot imagine the thought of selling them. O.A. ba masyado? But I really can't.

BUT I guess I have to do the right thing. Any takers out there?

Delici

Delici cookie pics! Played around with Picasa (thanks Daday!) and came up with these! Pics were taken by my cousin Willa. (Daday, the CD you gave me, I can't open it. Something wrong with my computer.)





Any comments and suggestions will be appreciated! Will post the other pics as soon as I open the CD. :)

A long overdue post

The Birthday Post

It's been 5 days since my birthday.

Last Thursday, 20% of my loyal blog readers asked me why I haven't been updating my blog. (Hey, one out of five is 20%!) Wala bang bday blog dyan? Sawa na ako sa lumang post mo a!

If I were still in college, then the last two weeks would be my hell week. My day often started at 530 am and ended at 11pm. And the weekends, I spent baking for Delici. Looking back now, I don't know how I managed to survive. :) I'm just glad my hell week is over.

Anyways, my birthday came and went without much fanfare. Mike called me 12am to remind me how old I am now. Harhrhar.... he sometimes forgets our age gap. Then there was the deluge of text messages from suppliers, irate customers and well wishers. Client meetings throughout the day. Lunch at Max's Pulilan -- where their waiters sang a birthday song and gave me a scoop of ice cream with a candle on it. I almost cried. :) By the time I got home, I almost forgot it was my birthday. All I wanted to do was sleep, sleep, sleep.

I turned in early, but before I closed my eyes, I thought about how much things have changed since last year. How have I changed? What have I learned? How many lives have I touched?

How have I changed?
I'm getting married eight months from now. I now live with six other cousins, who, in reality, are people I barely know. We now have 18 dogs in the house. Yes, the dogs outnumber the people.

What have I learned?
I learned that there is nothing to fear but fear itself. Things DO happen. Things WILL happen. All up to me how I'll handle it.

I have learned that people who disagree with me aren't always wrong. They are just seeing things from a different point of view. I can learn from them too.

I have learned that I can get through the day with 4 hours of sleep.

I learned that there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. For years, my mom had criticized me for being one. There were the not-so-subtle sermons that said introvert = not going anywhere in life. And for years, I was frustrated with myself for not being able to instantly click with people I just met, the way an extrovert could. And then I met some quiet people, who were wise beyond their years and preferred to observe rather than be the center of attention. So now, I don't make a huge effort to click with strangers. If the spark is there, it's there. If it's not, then it's no big deal.

How many lives have I touched?
I don't know. But I know that the number is not big. So next year, when I look back, I want a bigger number.

Third Time's the Charm

I was pulled over by the police, three times in one week. First incident happened on Thursday, I was happily driving out of McDonald's drive thru in West Ave. when I saw this police car with a police man inside waving. I thought it just wanted to clear the traffic, but after a few seconds, I realized it was waving AT ME, motioning for me to pull over. I saw that if I stopped where I was, I would be causing traffic so I parked in front of their car. The police man frantically went for his gun, and acted like he was going to shoot me. Was so pissed! Anyways, the first thing they did was ask for my OR / CR, which I dutifully gave them. They then said that the photocopy was so blurred it was difficult to see who the car owner was. I looked at the paper, and saw my name CLEARLY printed on it. Pissed, I pointed it out to them. Not satisfied with the papers, they circled the car, sniffing like a pair of dogs gone mad. They checked my tires, checked the trunk, and then they said I had no validation sticker on my windshield. Question: Is it illegal to not put the validation sticker on the windshield? Even if I have them plastered all over the plates? They probably saw the stickers on the plates so the next thing they proceeded to do was to ask me to open the hood, which I blindly did. Ah ha! Things started to go downhill from there. They asked all sort of questions about things inside the hood. I was already panicky by this time. The two policemen were from the TMG -- traffic monitoring group ata or something irrelevant. An uncle (family friend) belonged to the same group. I called him up and asked him to help me. He knew the policeman pala. So he talked to him and things went well.

The thing is, if I didn't know anyone from TMG, the policeman would have impounded my car for baseless carnapping suspicions. I ask you, my five loyal blog readers, do I look like a carnapper to you? Ay naku!!! By the time the whole brouhaha was over, my voice had risen by a few decibels, and I was in no mood to understand their stupid reason why they asked me to pull over. Even more insulting was the fact that a small crowd of uzis had gathered around the car, and were all eyeing me like I was some sort of .... carnapper. I'm thinking of writing to the Inquirer's complaints section.

The next day, I was driving in Osmena highway, when I was asked to pull over... AGAIN. What did I do wrong this time? I still don't know, and I guess I'll never know. I rolled down my windows, and watched as the police approached me from behind the car. He took one look at the car and said I can go. WTF?!?!@*$!@) I think maybe he saw the seals plastered on the windshield of the car I was driving. But I would love to know what offense I committed that day.

And then on Wednesday, four days after the Osmena highway incident, I was on my way to a business dinner when I was pulled over for ... SWERVING. I was with our foreign supplier that time, and I asked him if I did swerve, just so I'd know. He didn't think so. So...

Police: Ma'm good ebning pow. Alam niyo ma'm, may mga kutsi kasing didiretso dyan sa lane niyow eh. Pakita nga hu ng lisensya niyow.
KT: (hands over license to buwaya in disguise)
Police: Ma'm paki labas lang ho ang lisensya niyow. (My license was buried under several business cards)
KT: Bosing, paki ulit nga lang ho, ano ba ang ginawa kong mali?
Police: Ma'm eh kasi how, may mga kotse hong didiretsow sa lane ninyow.
(Note: I passed by the place where I supposedly swerved, and I saw that the lane where I was driving that night was the lane specifically for cars who wanted to turn right. Crap.)

I called my brother to tell him I was pulled over, AGAIN, for the third time in one week. You see, I call my family for traffic problems because I really don't know how to handle situations like those. My brother told me to ask the police to let me go off with a warning. So I did.

KT: Manong, baka pwedeng pagbigyan na lang niyo ako kasi di naman talaga swerving yon eh.
Police: Ma'm, kasi how...may mga kutsi hong didiretsow eh. Akin na how ang lisensya niyow.
KT: Hindi sige ganito na lang. Papunta na dito ang tatay ko, kausapin na lang niyo siya.
Police: Bakit, ano ba posisyon ng tatay niyo?
KT: Basta kayo na lang ang mag-usap pagdating niya.
Police: (silent for a moment) Saan ho ba galing ang tatay niyo?
KT: Basta kayo na lang ang mag-usap. Papunta na yon.
Police: Naku, inabala mo pa tatay mo.
KT: Wala naman hong problema. Dyan dyan lang naman kami nakatira eh.
Police: (silent again, while staring at me the whole time)
Police: Bakit mo pa tinawagan ang tatay mo? Inabala mo pa. Di naman kita tiniketan ah.
KT: Basta kayo na lang ang mag-usap pagdating niya.
(Hey, I can repeat myself too!)
Police: Di mo naman kailangang tawagan eh. Pwede mo naman ako pakiusapan.

And there it was.... the tag line I had known was coming.

KT: Manong, kanina pinakiusapan ko na kayo. Ayaw niyo. Kaya kayo na lang mag-usap.
Police: (silent for a few seconds, then proceeds to repeat himself) Alam mo, pwede mo naman akong pakiusapan.

By this time, I had grown very tired of hearing him repeating himself. So I kept quiet and just stared straight ahead.

Police: O sige, nakakahiuya naman sa kasama mo eh. May pupuntahan ata kayo. Para di ka na din maabala.

Harharhar....

Tagged

I've been tagged by val.

Three names you go by:
1. Catherine -- for HS friends
2. Cat -- for relatives
3. KT -- college people

Three screen names you have had:
1. katie831
2. ice_violet
3. periwinkle_room

Three physical things you like about yourself:
1. My neck -- hahahahha! I think I'm the only person in the world who will answer this
2. my eyes
3. my wrist -- again, look at comment for number 1 answer

Three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. my thighs
2. my legs
3. my hands and feet

Three parts of your heritage:
pure Chinese

Three things that scare you:
1. ghosts
2. drowning
3. being caught inside a burning room

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. Cetaphil
2. lipgloss -- my lips get really dry if I don't put it on
3. wallet

Three of your favorite muscial artists:
1. Kelly Clarkson -- love her voice. She deserves to be the American Idol
2. Bituin Escalante
3. Nyoy Volante

Three of your favorite songs:
1. For your babies -- Simply Red
2. A heart needs a second chance -- 38 Special
3. A love that will last -- Renee Olstead

Three things you want in a relationship:
1. Respect
2. Good communication
3. Loyalty

Three lies and truths in no particular order:
Lies:
1. Karma
2. Blood is thicker than water --- hooo boy, don't get me started on this
3. Man is intrinsically good.

Truths:
1. Masasamang damo matagal mamatay
2. Money makes the world go round.
3.

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. Eyes
2. Teeth
3. Arms

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. Baking and cooking
2. Reading
3. Organizing -- anything -- closets, to-do lists, events, gimmicks, files, drawers, cabinets, my mom's files, my dad's files... well, you get the point

Three things you want to do really badly now:
1. Organize my desk (both room and office)
2. Clean out my closet
3. Work out

Three careers you've/you're considering:
1. Wedding coordinator
2. Doctor
3. Restaurateur

Three places you want to go on vacation: (PAY ATTENTION MIKE!)
1. Paris
2. Italy
3. U.S.A.

Three kids' names you like:
1. Kirsten Gabrielle
2. Charlotte
3. ??

Four things you want to do before you die:
1. give birth
2. start own business
3. be filthy rich
4. live abroad

Three ways that you are steorotypically a boy:
1. I drive like a madman
2. I eat like a boy (before the weight gain and all)
I can't think of anything else

Three ways that you are steorotypically a girl:
1. I can window shop all day.
2. I bawl out at the most trivial emotional scenes.
3. I am kikay. At least, I think I am.

Three celeb crushes:
1. Ben Affleck
2. Ryan Agoncillo
3. Luis Manzano

Three people I'm tagging:
Hmmm.... hmmm.... We-ell, majority of my loyal readers have already been tagged, and the rest are not bloggers. :)

The Countdown Begins

Saw this signboard outside Megamall a while ago -- Digital Photography (or something like that) -- August 19-21.

Hey, something I'm interested in. Pero malayo pa naman eh. I'll just schedule it in my organizer.

???

Wetaminit! August 19 is tomorrow!!!!

I can't believe it. Half of August is almost over!

Which means, there are only--

... a few days left before I turn 20 again. :)

... a few days left before the berrrrr months arrive.

... one more month to go before Mike comes home!! (His stay was extended by another month, ay naku.)

... two and a half months to go before our engagement.

... two and a half months to go for the next long weekend -- All Saint's Day

... four months to go before Christmas!

... six months to go before Valentine's!

... nine months to go before our wedding!

Looking forward to all of those!

Haiku craze

Rain, rain, clear as glass,
Said to be tears from heaven,
When the blue sky cries

A haiku I wrote in grade five. And now, because Val and Rory are posting haikus on their blogs, I posted mine too. I still remember feeling so proud of myself for making this haiku. See? Sixteen years later and I still remember it. :)

Doing the deed

Jaded. Jaded, jaded me.

I went to Crossings to buy some last minute stuff for a cake I was supposed to make tonight. I noticed that there were only four cash registers open, so I went for the express lane instead, where the last person on the line left his basket and checked out some stuff in the aisle. I stood behind the basket and waited. The owner of the basket came back and smiled at me. I gave him my reserved-for-strangers-smile, which lasted all of... one second.

I placed my stuff on the freezer display behind me -- a jar of sour cream, two bars of butter and one bag of Kornets :) The man in front of me glanced at my items, and promptly headed to where the shopping baskets were stacked. Aghast, I looked at the other direction, pretending to be busy looking for some faraway item in a faraway aisle. Strangers offering to help me is not something I'm used to.

"Miss, eto o, para di ka naman mahirapan," the stranger said.

And that was it. No follow up conversation to sell me some insurance stuff. No pa-simple questions on where I live and if I'm married. He just handed me the basket and quietly stood in line. And he was friendly with the cashier and the bagger too.

I was still thinking about him when I entered my car. More importantly, I was thinking how stand-offish I had been to him. Maybe because during these times, it's hard to imagine anyone being nice just because they are nice. Usually, strangers are nice for a reason -- there's a hidden ulterior motive behind their actions.

The whole incident brought to mind that movie about doing good and passing it on to someone else. What's the title? Move it Forward? Pass it Forward? Pay it Forward? Oh well, whatever it is... I realized that it has been a long time since I last did a good deed. I remember how, when I was still in grade school, my goal was to do a good deed everyday, which I usually fulfilled by carrying a poor student's stroller up the stairs. Hehehehehe. Aaaah... life was so simple back then.

So now, one of my goals is to do a good deed, everyday.

I wonder how difficult this goal will be.

A trip down memory lane...

The memory lane, in this case, is Hong Kong. The last time I was there was in 1996, I think, almost ten years ago. Okay, not entirely true. The last time I was there was last year, where we stayed in HK for a total of six hours only, so I guess that shouldn't count. Hong Kong has changed so much. The MTRs now have glass doors to protect passengers from falling down the tracks. The malls have grown bigger and grander. Most of the establishments we used to frequent have either closed down or moved to a different location. But our favorite restaurants are still there. There's the old noodle place with the bestest wanton dumplings ever. Then there's Cafe de Coral, with the best chicken curry dish. My latest favorite is their baked porkchop. I will stop with the food posts now, because I don't want to drool all over my keyboard. :)

Since it's August, the whole HK is on sale. Sadly, even with all items discounted, they were still too expensive for us. Tsk tsk. I remember before how HK used to be our shopping mecca because items there were cheaper. I see all these women in shops, hoarding shoes and lining up at the cashier to buy pairs of shoes priced at $299!! That's almost P2,153!! Am I just barat? Because I felt that that was too expensive a price for a pair of unbranded shoes. Cheap for me would fall around the P600-P800 price range, which means that in HK dollars, they should be around $83 - $111. Harharhar.

And the airport's check in counter in Central... whoa! Passengers have the option of going directly to the airport or going first to their check in counter in Central. Their check in counter in Central is enough reason to go to HK. There are two malls beside it that houses some of the more popular brands in the international fashion scene. There's Zara, Mango, Lancel, etc. There are a few coffee shops, a juice bar, and a gasp.... cinema!!!! So, if you have a long time to go before your flight, you can go there, check in, watch a movie, then take the train to the main airport. The train ride will take only 20 minutes.

Which is why when we landed here, I felt disappointed comparing HK's airport to ours. Upon disembarking from the airplane, harassed passengers have to travel down a flight of stairs, go through this (useless) footbath, which, by the way, creates a bottleneck to the main arrival hall, and fall in line for immigration purposes. If the passengers arrive too late, they will have to stand on the stairs because the lines reach up to there. It's like, the architect who designed the airport just designed the floor plan without taking into consideration the comfort of the passengers using it. Haaaay..

But, I will focus on the positive side of things instead. I am thankful that we had a safe flight. I am thankful for the bonding moment with my brother and my dad. I loved checking out the new malls. I loved the new food ideas we saw at the food fair. I am thankful for the brief 3-day vacation from my "new" family.

I would love to see Disneyland when it opens!!

Side A

Side A used to be my favorite local band. In fact, it's the only local band that I like.

*Sigh*

That was until today, when I learned that Kelly Badon, their guitarist, left the group to pursue his career in the States. He's the second guy from the left of the picture.

It's not confirmed yet, but Side A already has a new guitarist.

I last saw him in an MTV concert last July 30 at the Fort.

Good luck Kelly. :)

*Sigh*

Pre-Pre-Wedding Jitters

Okay, Nine months to go before the big day, and what have I accomplished so far?

Make up artist -- I already posted this before. Si Madge Lejano na.

Video/ photographer -- Ariel Javelosa.

Cake- Cakes by Val

That's it.

My list of accomplishments looks so familiar. That's because, I hadn't done anything since Mike left for China.

Gymmed? No.

Booked florist / event stylist? No.

Booked couturier? Nope.

Musicians? Sound system? Lights? -- What? What?

Haaaay. Let's not even talk about the upcoming engagement party barely two months from now. No preparations made for it yet. Haven't bought clothes yet. Haven't bought anything!!! And the tinghun dress, I had made only because my mom insisted on it.

When I think of the upcoming big day, I really, really feel the chill running up my spine.

I feel and know in my heart that Mike's the one. But, I can't imagine myself getting married in less than a year! It's like, suddenly, I have so many things I want to do. Like study abroad and live independently for a year. Which is never going to happen after I get married.

Scary, really. There's my biological clock, ticking away on one hand. And on the other, there's the list of things I want to do, now, while I'm still single.

And, living with my cousins has made me realize how unready I am for children. I am so not ready for the invasion of privacy. I'm so not ready to be the oldest in a group of nine. I'm so not ready to be responsible for choosing which school my cousins should go to. And in this case, I have my parents with me pa. They're the major decision makers. I'm the assistant only. With our own children, there will be no one responsible for them except Mike and me.

Ohmygas. Is this normal? To have wedding jitters before the usual pre-wedding jitters, which, I understand, usually happens minutes before the wedding? Whenever I ask my married friends and relatives what they felt while they walked down the aisle / waited inside the church, the usual response was, "Wala, noraml lang." So what is normal? Is this normal? Is this desire to delay the wedding normal?

Aaargh.

Crash

It has been a long time since I last raved about a movie I saw. Come to think of it, I can't remember raving about any movie I watched this year. But this movie, this really is a MUST SEE!! I watched it with Val last Saturday, and watched it again last Monday. That's how much I loved the movie. Loved, loved, loved it!

I loved the fact that the movie delivered a strong message about racial discrimination without being too boring and too documentary like. It sort of reminded me of Love Actually, where the characters accidentally cross each other's path at some point in their lives. Except of course, that in this movie, the characters discriminated against each other at some point in their lives.

The scene which struck me most is the scene depicted on the movie poster pic above. For the sake of my five loyal readers (one of them had already seen the movie with me :) ) The actor who played the Mexican family man was very good in that scene. Very believable. Very realistic.

Ah basta. Good movie. Watch it, watch it.

August

I'm always thrilled when it's the beginning of a month. Even more so now because it's August, for obvious reasons. Note: look at the countdown to my birthday. New month = new things to look forward to. As early as now, I have so many "projects" lined up already. Don't really want to list them down -- baka ma overwhelm ako sa dami.

The only bummer for this month is that there's a teeny weeny chance that Mike won't be able to make it in time for my birthday. Hay ya. I have to admit though, that I have been enjoying my weekends even without him. Not that I'm saying I don't miss Mike. It's just that, it has been a looooong time since I went shopping on my own. Well, last month, I was able to shop on my own, and eat out on my own. And I have to say, it's really a relaxing experience for me. To shop and not have to worry that I'm dragging someone along with me. To eat and just observe other people without having to carry a conversation with someone. It's not something I want to do every day. Siguro mga once every two months will do. Other people go to spas. Other people meditate. I go to malls alone.

Here's wishing everybody a fun-filled August!!!

Expectations

A few weeks before my uncle passed away, my mom told us that she was already at that stage where she realized that everything in life should be ham-ham, a Chinese term which means so-so. She used to have a lot of expectations before, not only from us, but also from herself. But now that she has "one leg buried in her grave" (her words, not mine), she learned to stop expecting and just accept things as they are.

I began to wonder, is my mom right? Should this be the right direction to take? After all, so many arguments and disappointments in my life could have been avoided if I had stopped expecting things, and focused instead on accepting things as they are. On the other hand, without expectations, what would motivate people to take the extra mile in things they do?

Let's say I assigned a project to our sales department. Of course, I need to have expectations, right? I need to have a deadline, and an idea of what needs to happen on the day of the deadline. Without expectations, the project would probably never get finished. Or it will be finished, with pathetic results. So, in that aspect, expectations are a must.

But when it comes to relationships, should it be an altogether different ballgame? Let's take Mike for example. Mike and I are in a relationship. Of course, we have expectations from each other. I expect him to be this, and that, and this and that. But what if he can't meet all of my expectations? Should I accept things as they are? Or should I look for someone who meets all my expectations? (note: use of Mike as an example is purely for hypothetical purposes only :) )

What about friendships? I used to think that my highshcool barkada and I would be friends till the end. But now, even with all the advancements in technology, I find out that it's hard for some of them to keep in touch with the group. One is so busy with office work that she rarely has time to answer SMS. Another one threw a bday party without inviting our highschool barkada. Again, everything boils down to expectations. Should I accept that that's just the way things are? Or should I look for friends who'll meet my expectations?

I guess my mom was looking at the bigger picture when she said what she said. At her age, she probably realized that, hey, life is still good, even if all my expectations didn't happen, life is still good. Baka ganon.

In the end, I guess it's all about how important the person is in my life. Because, let's face it, it would be really hard to live life without expecting things from people. I have to admit, I expect a lot from Mike, because he does play a big part in my life. I expect a lot from my good friends, because they also play a big part in my life. So when they fail to meet my expectations, the disappointment is much much more than when an acquaintance fails to meet my expectations.

Then there's also the question on what expectation it is that they didn't meet. With Mike as an example aggain, I expect him to be on time for our date. When he isn't, well, that I can take. I expect him to be loyal to me in our relationship. If he isn't, that I cannot and will not take.

Same with my friends. I expect them to be courteous enough to answer my SMS. But if sometimes, they don't, that I can still take. But, when they do it so often that there really is no communication anymore, well, I guess it's a sign that the friendship isn't going anywhere anymore.

I guess I answered my own question. My mom is partially right. There are certain things in life that I can accept as so-so. But then, there are also some things which I cannot and will not accept as so-so.

How life has changed

We cremated my uncle yesterday afternoon. After one week of going to the funeral parlor, I thought I would be unaffected already. By the time the Buddhist mass started, I had to go out of the room. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore, and I didn't want anybody to see me crying. Especially not my dad, and not my cousins. So I went to the corner of the hall where I was sure no one would find me and let it all out. A few minutes later, my brother followed suit. He was unaware that I was there. I guess both of us had to have some time alone, away from the prying eyes of other visitors who came to bid my uncle goodbye.

Haaay.... life really has changed so much for all of us. There are now 11 of us in the family -- my parents (2), me and my siblings (3), plus my cousins (6). My aunt (my cousins' mom) is still around, but her kids feel that she's not capable of being a mother to them. So they chose to live with us. My dad wants to adopt them too, because he feels (and we all agree) that my cousins will have a brighter future with us than with their mom.

So how does it feel like living with 6 new "siblings?" Aaaargh.... I feel so old. I feel older now than when there were only 3 of us. Kung baga, our bunso now is only 12 years old. Whoa. The age gap is so big, that I find it hard to talk to her. I don't want to treat the younger ones like children. I remember how much I hated it when I was their age and the adults would treat me like a 6 year old. So I try, as much as possible, to treat them like adults. But how? They're at that stage where they're not kids anymore, but they're not adults yet. I suddenly feel like a parent. The other day, I went shopping with my younger cousins for white mourning clothes. I turned my back for a few minutes to ask the availability of the shirt they wanted, and when I turned around, I couldn't find them anymore. I went into a panic attack for a full hour before Richmond found them in one of the department store's small stalls. While we were looking for them, I was thinking that I will strangle my cousins when I find them, but can they please, please come back safely first?

After what happened to my uncle, my dad has become more paranoid now. As in, really paranoid. When he learned that I was still in Bulacan (after office hours) for our company's product presentation, he called me every half hour to check where I am. Walang paltos. As in every 30 minutes nagri-ring ang aking cellphone. I understand how he feels, because I did it too. Today, I called my dad and my brothers constantly to check where they are. If for some reason, they weren't able to anwer my call, I'd call whoever it is they're with. Yes, my uncles' death has turned on the paranoia switch inside all of us.

The nice thing about all these is that I now weigh less than a hundred pounds. Yay! Yay!!! How, you ask? By forgetting to eat, sleeping late, and being caught up in a family drama. I'm giving it another week of intense drama and other developments, and I'll probably go down to 90 lbs.

Plus, another nice thing that came out of all these is that my paternal cousins (Ivee etc.) and I are now on speaking terms. The closeness is gone now, of course. But at least we're talking to each other. We have avoided each other during the entire time that we were there in the funeral parlor, but on the night before the cremation, we decided to stop fighting and start talking. The cousins lang. The adults are an entirely different issue though. I'm still not talking to them, and vice versa.

Hay, so many realizations in just one week.

1. If you want to lose weight, be a professional mourner. As in, eat late, sleep late, and cry your heart out all the time. If the surviving family has their own drama pa, and you find yourself being pulled into it, additional pounds off yun.

2. There are people who will kill for money, no matter how small the amount. Of course, I only read about things like these in the news so it never bothered me before. But now, it feels odd, knowing that my uncle died for a few hundred thousand pesos ONLY. I honestly thought that the people who murdered people and dumped them somewhere did it for other reasons than just money. Now I know better.

3. And there are people who marry for money, and money alone. Yes... another reality that I knew happened but never really gave much thought to.

4. A funeral is a great place to show the world your hidden talent as an actress. Hay pagdating talaga sa paternal relatives ko, I never run out of sarcastic comments.

I suddenly feel soooooo old.

Masamang panaginip

Parang isang masamang panaginip.

Tumawag sa akin ang tatay ko kahapon -- nakatanggap siya ng tawag mula sa pinsan ko, tinatanung kung alam niya nasaan ang tatay nila. Alas-9:30 na ng umaga at hindi pa ito umuuwi. Tinawagan namin ang lahat ng ospital, at ipina-check din ang kanyang sasakyan. Baka naaksidente. Baka nalasing. Sana, may kabit at doon na natulog. Ngunit alam kong wala. Sigurado akong wala. Pagkaraan ng isang oras, tumawag muli ang tatay ko -- at hindi ko makakalimutan ang boses niya. Parang naiiyak na sumisigaw. May pulis na tumawag sa bahay ng pinsan ko, may natagpuan silang katawan sa damuhan ng Taytay, Rizal. Kung pwede daw ba nilang puntahan at i-identify.

Dumiretso na ako sa may Damar upang samahan ang tatay ko. Kasama namin ang isang family friend na maraming kilala sa gobyerno. Tinanong niya ako -- bakit ka sasama? Kaya mo ba? Ano bang gagawin mo doon? Wala. Gusto ko lang makasama ang papa ko, alam kong hindi magiging madali para sa kanya at gusto kong nandoon ako.

Halos dalawang oras kaming paikot ikot. Una, sinabing ang katawan daw ay nasa Taytay police station. Pangalawa, napakalakas ng ulan nung mga sandaling yon, at bahang baha na ang mga kalsada. Naunang dumating sa istasyon ang bunso kong kapatid. Tumawag siya sa akin, positive, tito ko nga. Ngunit wala ang katawan. Nilipat daw nila sa Krame. Mga gamit na lamang -- duguang ID, duguang relos, duguang sapatos at damit. Nanlumo ako. Hinawakan ko ang kamay ng papa ko bago ko sabihin sa kanya. At kitang kita ko kung pano nanlambot ang buong katawan ng tatay ko.

Dumiretso na kami sa Crame. Nag-antay kami ng isa pang oras bago ipina-identify sa amin ang katawan. Malakas ang loob ko. Akala ko, ang makikita ko, katawan na parang tulog lamang. Pag pasok namin sa loob ng morgue, di ako makapaniwala. Niyakap ko ang tatay ko, at dalawa na lamang kaming humagulgol at umiyak. Puro pasa ang katawan ng tito ko. Tatlong butas ng bala ng baril sa ulo. Sana, binaril na lamang siya at hinayaan. Ngunit binugbog muna tsaka tinuluyan. Hindi tao ang gumawa non. Hayup talaga. Pansin ko lang, kapag bangkay ka na, wala ka nang pangalan. Ang tawag na lang sa yo ay -- katawan o body. Ang katawan nahanap namin sa damuhan, hindi nahanap namin si (name of uncle) sa damuhan. Bakit ganon?

Habang tina-type ko ito, inaantay ko sa TV ang balita tungkol sa tito ko. Di ko akalaing ganito ang mangyayari. Akala ko, dahil tahimik naman kaming namumuhay, ang mga kamag-anak ko ay mamamatay sa katandaan o kaya sa sakit. Di ko naisip na ang tito kong mahilig sa showbiz, lalabas sa TV bilang salvage victim sa Taytay, Rizal.

Galit na galit ako sa tito ko dati. May isinulat pa nga ako dito sa blog tungkol sa kanya. Ngunit ngayon, hindi ko na maalala ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagalit ng ganon. Dahil madaling araw siya tumatawag sa bahay? Yon na ba? Nang tumawag sa akin ang kapatid ko, parang wala akong ibang naisip kundi ang mga good times. Kung paanong dati, tuwing Linggo, nandoon kami sa bahay niya dahil tinuturuan niya kaming magluto. Mga slides na ginawa niya ng libre para sa debut ko. Nang tumawag ako sa kanya ng hatinggabi, dahil hindi ko makuha kuha ng tama ang recipe para sa steamed lapu lapu para sa catering ko. Ganon pala yon. Maaalala mong lahat.

Tuwing gabi, bago ako matulog, nagpapasalamat ako na nasa mabuting kondisyon pa rin ang mga taong mahal ko sa buhay. Ngunit kagabi, puro tanong ang dasal ko. Bakit? Sa mga ganitong pangyayari, hindi ko talaga naiintindihan kung bakit ganito ang kailangang mangyari. Paano na ang mga anak niya? Anim ang anak niya, ang panganay ay 22 years old. Matagal na silang hiwalay ng asawa.

Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala. Pakiramdam ko'y masamang biro lamang ito. Na anytime now, magri-ring ang telepono, at sasabihin ng pulis na nagkamali sila ng balita. Hindi tito ko yung nakahiga sa punerarya ngayon. Ewan. Ganon ata talaga pag biglaan ang pagkawala.

Hinalungkat namin ang mga gamit niya kahapon, at lalo akong nanlambot at nalungkot. Naroon lahat ng kalat niya, na akala mo, walang nangyari. Papel ng mga dokumento, scratch paper, mga sulat sulat niya. Hindi ako makapaniwala. Parang buhay pa rin siya. Kagabi, para akong tanga, pero bawat ring ng telepono, naiisip ko, siya yung tumatawag. Kung ako nagkakaganito, paano pa ang mga anak niya?

Ano ba ang dapat gawin sa ganitong sitwasyon? Hindi ako paladasal, at hindi ako naniniwalang mareresolba ng dasal ang lahat ng problema, tulad ng sinasabi ni Cory Aquino. Gusto kong may mangyari. Gusto kong mahuli ang gumawa nito. Gusto ko rin siyang ipa-salvage. Siguro yon na lamang ang ipagdadasal ko. Na sana mapabilis ang paghuli sa kanya.

"Okay ka lang?"

I told myself that I will never use that line when talking to people who just lost a loved one. I feel that it's a stupid question. After all, how can anyone be okay hours after losing people they loved? It's insensitive, I thought.

Tonight though, I did exactly that. Not only that, I made another bigger booboo too. We went to my uncle's wake, and B, my cousin, approached us, then she told me, "Cat, wala na si sa-i-tyu. Iniwan na niya tayo." I was so taken aback by what she said (you'll find out why later). So I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, which was,

"Kaya nga tayo nandito eh."

I want to kick myself for the booboo. Was I trying to be funny? Nope. I was trying to think of something to say because I didn't want to cry with her in public. Her eyes were swollen and reddish pa. B was OBVIOUSLY depressed and affected. Sabay I asked again,

"Okay ka lang?"

TOINK!! Ano ba?!?! Obvious bang hindi? Haaay. I guess I was trying so hard to cover up the tension in the atmosphere. Something I should not have done since humor during times like this is usually not appreciated.

The thing is, before we arrived at the wake, my siblings and I were discussing in the car how B's father's death would affect her. B hated her dad for the longest time. And when I say hate, it's not the aargh-I-hate-my-dad-coz-he's-so-makulit kind of thing. B hated him with a vengeance. Back when we still used to talk to each other every week, B would complain about her dad and the miserable life he had given them. So we were expecting B to be sad (of course), but we certainly didn't expect that she'd be so affected by her father's death. Which is why her unexpected line really came as a surprise to me.

Maybe B realized too late that although her dad did give them a miserable life, he was and will always be her dad. Maybe she realized that things had not always been that bad with her dad, that there had been some good times too.

I know that everybody will eventually go through the heartbreaking experience of losing their loved ones. Is there anyone who, when it does happen, can say that the pain is not as great, because they have prepared themselves for it? If yes, I would love to meet and talk with them, to find out how and where they got the strength. Knowing myself, I feel that when it does happen to me, it will take me a very long time to recover. I belong to a close-knit family, and I cannot imagine living my life without any of them in it. I remember during a leadership seminar, the host asked this question -- if one day you woke up and found out all your loved ones are gone, what would you do? Most people said they'd start a new life again. I answered -- I'd probably feel that life is pointless and wish that God take me too. (Bawas leadership points :) )

Sheesh, this topic is too depressing. Actually, this whole evening had been depressing. On our way home, talks turned to my parents, ageing and dying. I look at my parents, in their early 50s, both gifted with youthful looks, and cannot imagine them weak and gray. But I know that time will pass by so fast that before I know it, they will be weak and gray. And I do not want to wait for that to happen before I start showing them how much I love them. I want to do it now, when they can still walk around with me. I want to do it now, while they can still hear my voice. And I suddenly cannot wait to document EVERYTHING. I suddenly have this need to have a digital camera with me everyday, for those moments with them that I would want to preserve. As wysgal once said, "If you don't write about it, or don't take pictures of it, it never happened." Or something like that.

Star Wars -- Revenge of the Dibides

I got this from everyday ambiguities site. Check it out. Good laugh guaranteed. :)

The Married Life

It has always been my practice that before I make any major decisions, I ask people who have experienced it or are going through it to give me feedbacks on the pros and cons of whatever decision it is that they made.

Our upcoming wedding is no different.

I have asked lots of couples this question -- "How is married life?"

And I have noticed a trend in their answers.

The newly-married couples would say the following:

"Super sarap."
"Super saya."
"Okay siya, parang bf-gf pero living under one roof."

Those who have been married for quite some time now would say:

"Wala... masayang mahirap."
"Hay... mahirap. Kaya ikaw, enjoy mo na pagiging single."
"Mahirap."

Okay, why the BIG difference in their answers?

For the newlyweds, the sex life could be one. Hehehehe.

For the not so newlyweds, I'm thinking, children could be one reason. Financial problems is another possibility to consider. In-laws, growing apart, lack of spontaneity... all these could be possible reasons to consider why those who have been married for ten years have a different take on marriage than those who have been married for less than two years.

Liza told me that during this year's highschool graduation ceremonies (in our alma mater), almost 50% of the students' parents were separated. GASP! Samantalang back during our time, you could count with one hand the number of parents separated. Yikes. So ten years from now, the percentage of separated parents would go higher or lower? Whoa. Really, really made me think there.

Made me think of my parents' marriage. My parents will never win an award for being the sweetest couple. They don't snuggle up to each other, or rub each other's backs. But my dad will call my mom in the middle of the day to ask her what she wants to eat. Then he will buy whatever it is that my mom wants, even if the place is several kilometers out of his way. Or when my mom falls asleep while watching tv, my dad gently nudges her to wake her up so she can wash her face and prepare for bed. For several years, these were the things I saw. So it came as a shock to me that other couples are having a difficult time just being around each other that they feel they have to anull their marriage.

When I hear about separated couples, the first question I think of is -- were they not in love when they got married? When you hear about their fights and the reasons behind them, it's quite difficult to picture how things must have been like during the beginning of their relationship. Which is the scary part. Because there really is no assurance that a marriage will work, no matter how sweet the couple was initially during the kilig phase of courtship.

So now I have newfound respect for old couples walking near Baywalk, HHWW pa (holding hands while walking). I can only hope that when Mike and I are old and gray, the younger couples will point at us and say, "That's how we want to be when we grow old."

I can't take it anymore

It's June 30, I know. June is not yet over. BUT, I just can't take this anymore. So, let me rant, please.

*****

My cousin came rushing into my office yesterday.

Cousin: Huwag na tayo magbayad ng taxes sa BIR.
Me: (Huh? Wha? Why? How?) Bakit?!? Excempted na tayo?
Cousin: Hindi, pag hinuli tayo ng BIR, sabihin na lang natin, I am sorry.

And then during lunchtime,

Secretary: Peter, may utang ka pa saken ha sa ulam (Our secretary's husband owns the canteen inside our office compound)
Peter: Ha? Wala akong pambayad eh, sorry na lang, pwede na!

Yes, this whole I AM SORRY thing is one big joke. And even if I'm looking at this from an unbiased point of view, I really couldn't see nor feel any sincerity in her words and eyes. Just three days before she came out with this apology, she was seen on tv, goading her opponents about choosing the wrong date to mount a rally against her. And then three days later, she's sorry? For a mere lapse in judgement? WTF?! She was merely protecting her votes? So I will still lead by one million? Overall? -- That's protecting her votes? And this after she claimed on nationwide television that the votes had already been counted. If so, why was there a need to protect?

Seconds after she came out with this apology, the tv screen showed Mike Defensor and Franklin Drilon, praising and lauding GMA for the courage she showed as a leader. What courage? I was glued on tv, and I saw only hypocrisy and lies, covered by a poker faced, self-appointed leader, trying her best to look somber and apologetic. And Drilon said the public should forget all about it. HUWAT?! I highly doubt he'll still say that had he been in the late FPJ's shoes.

And then the next morning, I see this article -- after GMA apologized on tv, her staff sang "If We Hold On Together." Some of them cried. Some of them were teary eyed. But they sang to show their support for GMA. Again, WTF?!?! Everything is so scripted! Did they, for a moment, think that they were in front of the cameras? Because I certainly feel that this whole Gloria-gate brouhaha can only happen on the big screen. See, I was right. GMA is really a second rate, trying hard actress, whose intention really is to make it big in the showbiz industry. Her CDs are selling like hotcakes. She's the hottest topic since the Kris-Joey scandal last year. Her posters are everywhere. Wow, she's a success now. A success in the showbiz industry.

Now, FG Arroyo makes the ultimate sacrifice by... er... going to the US. How? How can this be considered a sacrifice? And I really ask this question sincerely -- by going abroad, isn't he in effect, escaping from the public eye? And he will be back when the public has forgotten all about it, or when a newer and bigger scandal erupts, whichever comes first. So where's the sacrifice in that?

*****

What a way to end the month. I wish I can say that I had really been positive this whole month. But I just needed to rant about them online.

Blogging bits II

Wow. I can't believe that as early as now, I am booked for the whole week. I have a company dinner to go to, which we organized as our way of saying thanks to our sales team. I'm actually looking forward to it, because of course, the atmosphere will be much more different than if we were having dinner at the office. We'll be dining in the posh Paseo Uno! And the best part is, the company is paying for it!! Yay!!

And our biz is taking its second major step -- we will be ordering plastic bags for the cookies. This might sound trivial to some of you, 'coz even I don't really notice the packaging unless they're really nice. But it took us two weeks to decide on this, so ordering tomorrow is one major step for us. :) Since we started researching for our biz, we have noticed packaging for Mary Grace, Mrs. Field's, Delifrance, Goodies and Sweets, Bizu etc. etc. Naks... as if we're competing head on with the big names na no? :)

And then there are the oculars for florists which I want to go to. There are two hotels I will be visiting this week, to check out the works of two different florists.

*****

I have been tinkering with Adobe Photoshop for the past few months now. Nothing major really. Just cropping pictures here, then adding contrast there. And I just realized last night how much I was enjoying myself with Adobe. I was trying to edit a label for our office, and I couldn't figure out how to do it well. I took a break, brushed my teeth, and while in the middle of brushing, finally came up with a solution. There I was, at ten past 2 a.m., brushing my teeth excitedly because I couldn't wait to go back to work! That was when I realized how much I liked Photoshop. I can't cross it off my list yet, as I haven't really sat down with a good Photoshop how-to book. Everything has been trial and error for me so far. Will probably buy one when I can really sit down and spend months studying it.

*****

Just saw The Apprentice's second to the last episode. Liza and I are both huge fans of this show. And tonight, I feel so bitin!! I know who's going to win anyway, but I just want to know what their "employees" said about them. Again, human relations really plays a big part in a company's success. I don't think I have ever come across a successful company where most of the employees are unhappy with their jobs.

*****

Mike's in China and will be staying there for a frickin two months. :( We just celebrated our 2nd year anniversary last Saturday (yay!). Ye gads. I can't believe it's been two years already, and we've known each other for almost three years now. It really doesn't feel that long. I can still remember what I was wearing the first time we met. (I still have them in my closet and they still fit! Woohoo!) Mike is amazed with how well I remember things. The exact dates, the exact clothes, what he said, the movies we saw. But my memory is good only when it's about him. He doesn't believe this, and I can't believe it either. Ask anyone from the office to desribe me, and one of the first things they'll say is that I'm makakalimutin. Harhar... Mike will find that hard to believe I'm sure.

My MUA

*MUA-- make up artist

I just booked our make up artist for our wedding... yay!!!

Okay, okay. The original plan was to have two trial make ups -- one from Madge Lejano (the artist I booked) and the other one by Eddie Bruan. Eddie Bruan is also highly recomended in the w@w forums. They were the only two artists I considered.

Madge's package includes make up for the following: bride, groom and two other people. The make up for groom is a requirement. And imagine Mike's aghast reaction when he learnt that I booked Madge already. But I saw some pics from Madge's files, and there was one groom, who, after being made up by Madge, ended up looking like Ariel Rivera. Hey! Maybe Madge can make Mike look like Luis Manzano. Or even Ben Affleck! Even for just a day! :)

It's standard procedure (I think) for Madge's trial make up subjects to get their studio shots in Pictures and Profiles, so I had my before and after shots taken. My before shots looked like I was some sort of harassed woman running out of blood -- I looked so pale, with dark under eye circles. But my after shots... whoa.... those were the shots where I really, really fell in love with me. :) Narcissistic, but true. And look ma, I have eyelashes! Hahahaha!

So I paid Madge for the trial make up and left without signing a contract with her. While Val and I were on our way to the escalator, I said out loud, "Ano pa ba hinihintay ko?" I liked the make up, I liked Madge. Ever since I saw her booth in the February bridal fair, I knew she was "the one." So what was I waiting for? And Val made a very good point -- if I don't book her now, even though chances are I'd book her din naman, I'd have to schedule another meeting with her, sayang oras. That did it. I went back and booked her. Yay!!

So that's another supplier crossed off our list. Next one -- event stylist.

Prank caller

0910-4091939 -- Whoever is the owner of this cellphone number has been sending me really lewd messages through my cellphone. He'd call me to make my phone ring, then hang up, then send the lewd, icky text message. It started around two weeks ago. I thought he would go away if I ignore him. But I guess he just really wanted attention, because the lewd messages now became threatening. He knows where I work, he knows I'm about to get married, and he also knows my name.

Hmmm... how in the world do I view this thing positively?

I'm glad someone really takes time to ruin my day?

I'm glad someone finds me important enough to text me every other day?

I'm glad someone is making an effort to know more about me?

I hate to admit it, but this prank texter/caller is REALLY scaring me. Scaring me to the point that I check out all the strange people surrounding me, just to see if they are my mysterious, icky prank texter. To the point that I do not want to go to the office anymore for fear that he might be lurking around in our compound.

The thing that bothers me the most is that this person probably looks normal from the outside. Hindi naman siguro sa mental institution napunta ang cellphone number ko no. This person probably wakes up in the morning and goes to work, talks to people, has his own circle of friends and functions as any normal person does, which is why people I know talk to him and tell him things about me. Nobody knows about this sick side of him, the second personality that's so grossly demented and rotten and sick. I can't think of anything more negative to say about him, as this month's positivism must have really worked wonders on me.

And how am I responding to his threats and lewdness? By keeping silent. With the way things are going though, I am so tempted to text back and tell him what's on my mind. But that is probably what he expects me to do. So I will not text him back. But aaaaaargh! I just wish there is something I can do... something that will bother him even more than he has bothered me.

Blogging bits

Half the month is almost over. How am I doing with my June goals so far?

1. I will stop being negative and just try to see the positive side of things. For this month anyway.
--See? No negative posts this month.

2. Because of #1, I will stop taking the news seriously.
-- I read the headlines, scan the articles, read Conrado de Quiros' column, then go directly to the lifestyle section. So I am barely aware of whatever new drama the government has concocted.

3. I will work out 20x this month. (Already worked out twice, woohoo! Eighteen more to go!)
-- Worked out 3x this month. Which means, I need to work out 2x/day for 3 days to reach my goal. Harharharhar. Besides, I have a good reason why I didn't work out. Sira ang treadmill eh. :)

4. I will practice my cooking and baking more.
-- Yup!! I did this!! I think I baked and cooked more this month than the past five months combined.

5. I will have my haircut, which I have delayed for three weeks now.
-- Yup! New haircut, but nobody seems to notice.

6. I will try to sleep earlier than 2 a.m.
-- Hmmm.... 1am is still earlier than 2am. Seriously, I think I should have written it as "be in bed by 12am."

7. I will finally follow my doctor's advice and take iron supplements everyday.
-- Err, no. Tsk.

8. We will TRY to book the major wedding suppliers -- photographer/ videographer, couturier and florist.
-- Booked photographer/videographer already.

9. I will eat more fruits.
-- Ate (err.. drank) a pear and an apple this month. That should count for something, right? Oh, oh.. ate frozen jackfruit too. That's how we do it here. We freeze the langka, and it's a great summer treat!

10. I will try to not procrastinate.
-- Yay! So proud of myself for this!! Thanks SE P910!

*****

Am I on my way to domestication or what? For several days now, I have been singing (silently thank God) Michael V's J-O-Y jingle. And I can't, for the life of me, get it out of my head! I'm sure na if hindi lang ako takot sa sarili kong kabaduyan, I would probably dance the J-O-Y song in the confines of my own bedroom. Hehehehe... takot ka na Mike?

*****

I just realized that this coming father's day will be the last one I will spend here at home. :( Nearly cried when I realized it. I will be spending mother's day with my family next year, but not father's day. And to think I'm a daddy's girl.

*****

It's funny how talks of weddings can bring women together. I went to the bank yesterday, and what started out as an innocent hey-who-did-your-gown question quickly turned into a wedding gabfest. By the time I left, I had a group of women circled around me, all excitedly giving me tips on what to do and where to go to get the best deals for the wedding.

Which left me wondering -- if these women, who were almost strangers to me, felt this excited about my wedding, then what more my own mother?

My mom and I have never been close. (Buti na lang my mom is so not internet savvy.) And this fact has never been more obvious now, in the midst of the wedding and engagement preparations. I know she's excited about the upcoming wedding. She has her own ideas, I have my own, and more often than not, we clash. She suggests, I reject. Sometimes, I think I unintentionally disagree with her just so I can disagree with her, and vice versa. And I really don't know how to involve her in the preparations, when i don't agree with most of her ideas. How do I tell her, "Ma, di ko gusto yan" without hurting her feelings? Maybe this would be a good time to practice seeing only the positive side of things?

A Tale of Two Wedding Photographers

Wedding photographer one, to be known as WPO, came highly recommended by my bestfriend. I browsed through her wedding album, and both Mike and I were impressed with how vivid the colors in the album were. So we visited his shop one fine Tuesday in May, and we came out satisfied naman. Went through some of the albums in his shop and some were good, some so-so. But generally, most were really beautiful. WPO gave is a good package, but we wanted (more like I wanted) to look around some more before finally confirming with one photographer.

So we checked out websites of other wedding photographers who were highly recommended in W@W forums. I would stay up late most nights, looking at the packages of other photographers, but none came close to beating WPO's package. We visited bridal fairs, but really, almost all the packages we saw were higher than WPO's package. We couldn't believe it -- WPO had a good reputation and a good package to boot!!! We were almost sure that we were going to book him.

Until we talked with wedding photographer two, hereby known as WPT.

WPT's works were comparable with that of WPO's, although his rates were higher. He was able to establish a connection with us minutes after we met him. He was kalog, easy to talk to, and open about sharing information about other wedding suppliers which he felt would be of use to us.

"I want him!" I told Mike the minute we stepped out of WPT's shop. First time I told Mike that I want another man... hehehehe. "Let's book him now! What are we waiting for?"

But wait!! What about WPO? The highly recommended fotog with the lowest package ever?

We sat down and compared the two packages. If we remove some items that we could do without, WPT's package would come out cheaper than WPO's!!! Yay!!

But what items can we do without?

The mini albums -- it would be nice to give something to both sets of parents, so that stays.

The pre-nuptial pics -- eh nasa package na so sayang naman kung tatanggalin. Diba Mike? Diba diba?

Those were the only two items we considered removing, but ended up not removing na din.

So we deviced a plan. We will get WPO only if he promises to personally take our picture. If he assigns us to someone else, then we'll get WPT.

We went back to WPO's shop. I was actually praying that he assign us to someone else, so that we'll have a good reason to not get his services anymore. At this point, I was still sold on the idea of WPT as our wedding photographer. The moment we sat down, the lights went off. Brownout. Tsk tsk. Not a good sign. Anyways, we start off by asking him point blank to be our photogrpaher.

WPO: (shakes his head)
US: Pero ang feedback sa labas is dapat kayooooo.....
WPO: (shakes his head again) Ang pwede kong gawin, I can officiate sa wedding niyo... (BUT WE ALREADY HAVE A PRIEST TO DO THAT FOR US!) but I won't be your official photographer.

By this time, Mike and I were sneaking glances at each other. Okaaaay.. is it bye-bye time already?

WPO: We cover 700++ weddings a year.....
(Whoa)
WPO: So sanay na sanay na diyan ang mga tao namin.
(Ows?)
ME: Okay, if hindi kayo ang magpipicture, sino a-assign niyo sa amin?
WPO: Kung sino man ang photographer niyo, huwag na niyo problemahin iyon.

What?!? Mike's shelling out a good percentage of his life savings for pictures ha, so we better know who will be taking our picture no!

But WPO was not revealing anything. Mike and I exchanged looks that said okay-on-to-plan-B-aka-WPT.

And then suddenly,

WPO: O sige, pwede naman akong i reserve eh. Depende sa inyo kelan nyo ako gustong nandoon -- preparations, church or reception.
We remained silent. And poker faced.

WPO: Sige, pwede ako sa preparation and church. Tawad na yon for you.

At this point, okay na si Mike with him. But I was still unconvinced. I just felt disappointed that WPO had this ma-ere aura with him, while WPT was so friendly and open. I'm still hooked on WPT.

WPO goes on and on about the importance of the couple in creating the perfect wedding album. I was barely listening to him, all I could think of was how hot it was inside his shop since brownout nga. Then suddenly, WPO drops the bomb:

WPO: If you sign up now, I'll throw in another mini album, and give you a 10% discount pa.

Whoa!! Again again again..

WPO: Plus if you get my services for your engagement, I'll even throw in an extra album, no layouts though.

We were both so surprised that we couldn't do the math, so WPO wrote it down on paper for us. And there it was -- P8,000 lower than our original budget.

WPT who? :)

So now we have a wedding photographer!!!! Yay!! One item to cross off our wedding suppliers list!

Positive thoughts...

I'd hate to ruin my track record of a rantless blog post for this June (except June 1).

So I will look only at the positive side of this whole Gloriaetta-telenovela.

I think GMA will make a wonderful actress. It must be difficult, denying all the allegations even with the evidence out in the open for everybody to see, hear and download. And still, she maintains her innocence by facing the public and denying everything. Without flinching under all that pressure. That's very hard to do. Only a seasoned actress can do that.

Ignacio Bunye will make a great comedian. In the middle of all this brouhaha, he manages to find the humor by pulling out his letter of REimbursement.

Mikey Arroyo is already an actor. With his quick wits and his way with words, he will make a great script writer too. Lion King to Liar King? Bilis niya naisip yung comeback na yon ah! Dba ang galing?

Come to think of it, majority of the people running the government all have promising careers in show business. We have a good actress (GMA), a good comedian (Bunye), a good script writer (Lion King), a good antagonist (opposition block), good supporting actors and actresses (Gonzales, Wycoco etc.) -- the story of the Philippines would make a great telenovela. Award winning talaga.

O ayan. Wonderful, great, galing, good -- I have used only positive adjectives for this post. Very positive pa rin ako about life. I'm not ranty anymore. Dba Rory? :)

Nostalgic

Got caught in the after school traffic in ICA-Xavier area a while ago. I stared outside the car window and looked at the students passing us by. Couldn't help but feel nostalgic about high school. That was ten years ago. Was never really obsessed with topping the class and getting good grades. Back then, my major issues in life were:

1. To be in the same class with my bestfriends.
2. To be in the same class with my crush(es).
3. To have the cutest school supplies (cutest notebooks, cutest bags etc.)
4. To not miss a deadline for submission of anything.
5. To avoid being the topic of gossip for whatever reasons.

Life was really so simple back then. Topics of conversations with friends revolved around what course to take in college, the latest couples hooking up / breaking up, who the cutest guys, girls and couples in school were, which teacher we liked and disliked.... aaaah, those were really the days. Dresses for the prom, courses to take in college, dreams and ambitions in life -- those were the major choices we had to make.

During my highschool days though, I couldn't wait to go to college. And when I stepped into college, I couldn't wait to start working. I couldn't wait to start slaving my ass off for the corporate world, wear my corporate attires, and project my corporate self.

And now that I'm working for our family business, I couldn't help but wish I am back in school, worrying about crushes and prom dresses again. Sigh. I'm really, REALLY old.

I really miss those happy, carefree days. It's the lack of responsibility that I miss the most. Back then, if I made a terrible mistake, it would probably affect only myself. But working for our family business is a different matter altogether. There's my dad, who, I know, expects a lot from the business. There are the employees relying on the company for their monthly household expenses. I'm not only answerable to myself, I'm answerable to everybody in the company. That's what I feel most of the time.

I wish I made more mistakes back in highschool. Yup, that's right -- more mistakes. I was so scared to fail that I ended up not trying anything at all. I remember how much I wanted to join our school's newspapers, if only because I wanted to live Elizabeth Wakefield's lifestyle. (Sweet Valley High's avid readers would know what I'm talking about) But I didn't join because I didn't want people criticizing my articles. I wanted to join our choir too. As an organist, if there is such a word (meron ba?). I auditioned for the position, even though I couldn't read the notes. I knew the chords but couldn't read notes. So I played it by ear. And ended up making some mistakes. The choir's head teacher was surprised to learn that I couldn't read the notes. I thought she was ridiculing me. That ended my dreams of being a part of the choir.

Three years from now, when I look back to where I am right now, I don't want to still be typing my wishes and regrets for this year. I want to be able to look back and say, "Did I really do that?" or "Yay! I really did it!"

**Note: Lame as it may seem, the Bohol trip is one of those yay-I-did-it moments for me. :D I've always wanted to travel with friends. That was my first time, on a plane, with friends.**end of note

This year, I really, really, really want to:

Start my food biz with Liza
The eternal pessimist that I am, I have readied myself for the fact that yes, our biz might fail. But I just want to try it and see.

Travel out of the country with friends
Having my parents voluntarily sponsor me for this wish would mean so much to me. Now, all I have to do is teach my parents to bloghop, and voila! Accidentally come across my blog.

Bake like I've never baked before. Cook like no one's going to eat it.
Well, you get the point. At least, I hope you do.

Make a really big contribution to humanity.
Now this is difficult. First, I don't have any idea what it is exactly that I want to do. I don't think giving alms is a contribution to humanity. Years ago, Val and I had this wonderful idea of how to do it. We never got around to going ahead with it though. Second, I think "a really big contribution to humanity" would take more than six months to prepare. Unless, I have a big stash of cold cash hidden somewhere which I can just donate easily ASAP. But I don't.

Help PAWS reduce incidence of animal cruelty."
This is something I feel strongly about. Animals are helpless against humans. They don't have the equipment to fight back. They don't have agencies to report cruel treatments against them. We do.

Learn the art of small talk.
Very important. Solves a lot of things.