Pre-Pre-Wedding Jitters

Okay, Nine months to go before the big day, and what have I accomplished so far?

Make up artist -- I already posted this before. Si Madge Lejano na.

Video/ photographer -- Ariel Javelosa.

Cake- Cakes by Val

That's it.

My list of accomplishments looks so familiar. That's because, I hadn't done anything since Mike left for China.

Gymmed? No.

Booked florist / event stylist? No.

Booked couturier? Nope.

Musicians? Sound system? Lights? -- What? What?

Haaaay. Let's not even talk about the upcoming engagement party barely two months from now. No preparations made for it yet. Haven't bought clothes yet. Haven't bought anything!!! And the tinghun dress, I had made only because my mom insisted on it.

When I think of the upcoming big day, I really, really feel the chill running up my spine.

I feel and know in my heart that Mike's the one. But, I can't imagine myself getting married in less than a year! It's like, suddenly, I have so many things I want to do. Like study abroad and live independently for a year. Which is never going to happen after I get married.

Scary, really. There's my biological clock, ticking away on one hand. And on the other, there's the list of things I want to do, now, while I'm still single.

And, living with my cousins has made me realize how unready I am for children. I am so not ready for the invasion of privacy. I'm so not ready to be the oldest in a group of nine. I'm so not ready to be responsible for choosing which school my cousins should go to. And in this case, I have my parents with me pa. They're the major decision makers. I'm the assistant only. With our own children, there will be no one responsible for them except Mike and me.

Ohmygas. Is this normal? To have wedding jitters before the usual pre-wedding jitters, which, I understand, usually happens minutes before the wedding? Whenever I ask my married friends and relatives what they felt while they walked down the aisle / waited inside the church, the usual response was, "Wala, noraml lang." So what is normal? Is this normal? Is this desire to delay the wedding normal?

Aaargh.