Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Discipline 101

It is during times like these when I feel that I am unfit for motherhood.

I just came from a two hour battle with Chloe. Over eight spoonfuls of rice and chicken adobo. And the battle is not over. She is still downstairs, facing the wall and crying her heart out. I cannot say that I've won the battle, even though she is currently serving her 'sentence' for it. We are both worn out, tired and exasperated from each other. Yet, I do not think either of us came out the wiser.

I have left the care of Chloe to her yaya for almost seven months now. The yaya is wonderful. At least, I think she is. I feel she loves Chloe, and sincerely believes she's doing the right thing. But after interviewing several moms who have kids around Chloe's age, and finding out that their kids are eating by themselves already, I panicked. A year ago, while we were out malling, Mike and I saw a boy of about eight to ten years old, being spoonfed by a yaya while his mom looked on. Spoonfed. At (conservatively) eight years old!!! I shudder at the thought of Chloe reaching that age, and still being spoonfed.

So the transition from being spoonfed to eating by herself was sudden. One day, I just decided on it. I know she knows how to eat by herself. All I have to do now is make her want to do it.

And from the looks of it, I'm not being successful at the task.

I have to remind myself that I am dealing with a three year old. I have to remind myself that when I was still single, I had dreams of being THE BEST mom because I'd know how to handle my own kids well. Silly me. It wasn't a dream. It was a fantasy.

Look at where we are now. :( The dinner table has become a battleground of some sort. We both dread being on it. We both cannot wait to get out of it.

Not only that. But lately, EVERYTHING has been a struggle. From getting her to brush her teeth in the morning, to getting her to brush her teeth at night. Even the aircon and electric fan have become issues. She wants it on. I want it off. And we fight.

Sometimes, actually, a lot of times, I just want to let her be. You don't want to brush your teeth? Then don't. You don't want to eat? Then don't. But if I do that, what kind of mother would I be?

I need to preserve my sanity, if only so I'd still be sane when the second baby comes. Even now, when people (i.e. MY MOM) tell me I need to bring another baby to this world in the hopes that it'll be a boy, in my mind, I am secretly bonking them on the head already. It would be so easy to just give birth and leave everything to the yaya's hands. But I know myself -- I cannot do it. I AM a hands on mom.

The other day, after a post toothbrush war, Chloe told her yaya she's scared of me. Because I'm so mad daw. It broke my heart into pieces. It made me think even more of whether I'm doing the right thing.

I knew parenting would be hard. I just didn't realize it would be this hard.

4 comments:

  1. Cathy, I totally know how you feel. But the transition from being spoon-fed to eating independently doesn't happen in a snap of a finger. Do it little by little. As for brushing the teeth, what I did before was sing a song for Sophie while I brushed her teeth. Then eventually when she's able to comprehend na, I told her that we need to brush off the "worms" on her teeth so that her teeth will not decay. Take it easy... Little by little does the trick. Give her rewards too when she's at the very least, trying. :)

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  2. yeah i know sab. but she's done it before so i know she can do it. ayaw lang nya. lately though, if ayaw na nya kumain, i don't force her na. it was my belief din before not to force kids to eat. just that someone told me not to let her not finish her food. so i forced her. ayan, war kami. forcing her is obviously not working for us. :D

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  3. naima doesn't scoop by herself either.. i mean if she likes the food, yes she does - unahan si yaya.. but if so-so lang, yaya "helps" her pa din :D

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  4. really jenny? i always had this image of naima eating na by herself. i stopped asking her to scoop by herself na. yaya does it na for her. she just lifts the spoon and feeds herself. so far so good!

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