NOT a SATC 2 Review

When I watch movies, I almost always find a scene that is relevant to what is currently going on in my life. And in SATC 2, that scene was at the bar where Charlotte cried her heart out to Miranda.

Every word, every emotion in that scene, I had uttered out (well, YMd) in one way or another to my two best gal pals in the world. And to my hubby too. All of them understood. But I wanted to know if what I'm feeling is normal. If I am normal.

After hearing Charlotte say her lines, and seeing Miranda nodding her head, I breathed a sigh of relief. Somewhere in the world, I know there are women nodding their heads in agreement too. YAY!

I had a life before I became a mom. I had my own time, and my own list of things I wanted to do during my spare time. I had a very, very fixed idea of what a balanced life should be. I like having a plan, you see. Spontaneity was never my thing. I was never good at accepting changes.

And before Chloe came to our lives, I thought I can handle motherhood the way I handle other things - on a schedule. Once, I even sat down and wrote how and when our day should start, and what we should be doing by 1PM on weekdays, or 1PM on weekends. And I became frustrated. So many things that I had scheduled to do, I couldn't do. Because we weren't finished with feeding Chloe. Because we weren't finished bathing her. Because she didn't want to take her nap.

And these changes in schedule - I couldn't handle. Everyday, I was able to feed, bathe and play with Chloe, and give her a nap. Everyday, I was able to do things for her. But what about MY list? What about the things I wanted to do? Around this time, I started whining to my hubby and closest friends. I love my family, but sometimes, I want to do things for myself - am I crazy? Am I a failure? Am I a bad mom? I wanted someone to say yes, so that I can change whatever it is I'm doing wrong. But everyone said I'm normal. Everyone said I'm not a failure. Everyone said I'm a good mom. But I was so frustrated and feeling guilty for being frustrated! What in the world am I not doing right?!? Why can I not make motherhood work for me?!

And then Mike suggested I go out by myself once in a while. To which I vehemently said no. I didn't want to go anywhere without them. Besides, going out by myself would only make me a worse mom, right? After all, moms are supposed to love their children all the time. I have never heard of a mom take a break from her kids.

But every night, after everyone was asleep, I would think of all those things I wanted to do but couldn't because I was too busy doing mom things. I thought, if I can only have a day to myself, I would be able to get things done!

Hmmm... why does that idea sound so familiar? :)

So a plan came up. Twice a month, I will have a day to myself. To do anything I want. Shop. Bake. Surf. Dinner with friends. Spa. Sleep. And Chloe? She gets some alone time with Mike.

It's been two weeks since the plan was drafted, and I've been out twice already! Mike allows me to cheat too. On days when he feels like I'm itching to do something, he takes over my mom duties, so that I can get more extra hours to myself. Ain't that sweet? Thanks honey! :)

And I have stopped feeling guilty for wanting some time alone. Instead of feeling guilty, I give Chloe (and Mike) quality time when I'm with them.

So now, I have the best of both worlds. :) and I couldn't be happier.